


Why Can't We Be Like That?

by justyrae



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Boys Kissing, F/M, Flirting, Genderswap, Insecurity, Kissing, M/M, Miscommunication, Multi, Pining, Polyamory Negotiations, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 07:37:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6320377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyrae/pseuds/justyrae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam's never been particularly fussed with the idea of making friends. Or at least, that's what he tells himself when he sees other kids his age hanging out together after school. He's got his mum and dad and his sisters and as far as he's concerned, everyone else will eventually leave anyway so what's the point?</p><p>When he gets to uni, everything changes. His roommate Niall is quite possibly the nicest person in the entire world, and Harry is the only girl Liam's ever met that actually wants to spend time with him. The only problem is, Liam seems to be falling in love with both of them and he's absolutely terrified.</p><p>How can Liam reconcile his feelings for both Niall and Harry without risking losing them both in the process? A relationship with three people can't possibly work out… can it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Can't We Be Like That?

**Author's Note:**

> it honestly feels like ages since i finished this, i can't believe i finally get to post it!
> 
> in case it's not clear from the tags/summary, in this fic Harry is a cisgirl and Liam and Niall are both cisboys. when i originally came up with this fic idea it was going to be sophniam but things obviously changed. hope you enjoy!
> 
> THE BIGGEST THANKS IN THE WORLD TO J FOR HOLDING MY HAND THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING, LOVE YOU ENDLESSLY <3  
> and endless hugs to my secret beta ninja A who pops up and fixes all my mistakes, love you too <3  
> last but not least, thank you thank you thank you to Trine for the beautiful header and the fun art linked throughout the fic! (link to her tumblr in end notes)
> 
> title from "Secret Love Song" by Little Mix
> 
>   
>    
> 

Liam thought it'd be easier if his mum and dad didn't accompany him to uni on his first day. It had been hard enough packing up his room with his dad either poking his head in every ten minutes to ask if he needed help or his mum starting to sniffle every time they were in the same room together, he didn't trust them to not stick around his dormitory far later than necessary.

He hadn't expected for himself to start feeling choked up as he was stuffing his last bag into the boot of his dad's car and taking one last look up at the house. He slid into the backseat behind his mum so she wouldn't be able to see his bottom lip start to wobble as his dad pulled out of the driveway to head for the train station.

The traffic getting to the train station turned out to be a bit heavier than any of them expected, causing the time between their arrival to the station and the departure of Liam's train to uni being far shorter than they'd planned on. With the way Liam's heart started to feel like it's too big for his chest, he thought that perhaps his remaining time with his parents being cut short wasn't the worst thing in the world.

"You're sure you've got everything?"

"Mum," Liam mumbles sheepishly. He can't look her in the eye because her voice already has a waver to it and if he looks at her now he'll surely start crying and then she'll cry as well and it'll be one huge mess.

"Karen, let the boy live. You checked his bags a hundred times already."

Liam laughs, ever thankful for his dad being the voice of reason in the family. He's always been tough on Liam in a way that his mum can't be, mostly because Liam's her baby and can never pass up the opportunity to coddle him, but not once has it ever made Liam wonder if his dad loved him.

"I just worry," his mum goes on, "what if he hasn't got something he'll need?"

"They've got shops in London, hundreds of 'em." His dad laughs. "You didn't fuss over Nicola or Ruth this much."

"Oh, hush. I did too."

"Mum, Dad," Liam interrupts gently. "I'm gonna be late."

They both crush him in a hug as soon as the words sink in and Liam struggles with the overwhelming urge to cry as he hugs them back just as tightly. The hug doesn't last nearly as long as he wants it to before his dad is pulling back and tries to get his mum to do the same. When she finally lets Liam go she's got tears in her eyes and Liam feels his bottom lip start to wobble all over again.

"Be good," she says as she starts fussing with his hair, "have fun, but not too much! Study hard and all that."

"Mum," Liam repeats in the same sheepish tone as he had earlier, and once again his dad comes to his rescue.

"Alright, Karen, he's got to catch his train, quit fussing."

"I'm not fussing!"

"You're fussing," his dad says with a tone of finality before he turns to look at Liam and claps him on the shoulder. "Let us know when you get in, alright?"

"I will," Liam replies, "promise."

His parents then take turns telling him that they love him and kissing him goodbye before his dad finally shoos him off towards his train. Liam hefts his bags onto his shoulder and heads for the nearest compartment, resisting the urge to turn around and look at them one more time until he's on the train and sitting in the seat next to the window. His dad's got a firm grip on his mum and they both wave at him as the train starts to move, just barely giving Liam enough time to wave back before they're out of sight.

Liam expected the weird feeling in his stomach to disappear once he'd said goodbye to his mum and dad, or at the very least for the knot to loosen sometime during the two-hour train ride to London from Wolverhampton. Shoving his headphones deep into his ears and putting his iPod on at almost full blast seems to help a bit as he watches the scenery pass by outside, but it seems that the closer he gets to London his homesickness turns to jittery nerves over going to uni all by himself.

He starts to doubt that not letting his parents take him to uni was the best option before the train even pulls into the station in London and it only grows when he gets off the train. Newfound terror floods his veins as he hastily pulls the directions to his dormitory he printed at home from his pocket and tries to stay calm while taking in all the new sights around him. He clings to the straps of his bags as tightly as he can as he moves through the crowd in search of the bus stop he's looking for, too scared to even consider stop and asking someone for help.

The good thing is he can tell he's getting closer to the university campus judging by the hordes of families filling the sidewalks lugging suitcases and boxes and chattering excitedly all around him. The bad thing is the more families he sees the more he starts to feel homesick all over again.

Liam fumbles his way through checking in at his dormitory - feeling flustered when the girl running the table smiles at him and then feeling foolish when she smiles exactly the same way at the bloke in line behind him. Even when he makes it up to the floor that his room is on, nobody seems to notice him apart from dodging around him in the hallway.

His room is empty when he reaches it and Liam is half-relieved and half-disappointed that his roommate hasn't gotten there yet. On the one hand, it gives Liam the opportunity to pick which side of the room he wants and he doesn't have to worry about his roommate already making friends with people who aren't him, but on the other he has a moment of panic when the thought of his roommate not showing up at all crosses his mind.

The worst thing Liam can imagine is his first year at university being exactly like the last ten-odd years of his school career, meaning that he's somehow immediately labeled as "that weird kid" and as a result is unable to make more than just one friend. He's still not sure how he got that label in the first place since he doesn't think he's that weird at all. He likes football and comic books and music, but every time he tried to relate to one of his other classmates he'd been immediately shut down or ignored completely.

His one saving grace had been his friend Andy, but even that friendship wasn't all that it could've been. They'd been close as kids and tried to stay that way as the years went on but something had always been missing and Liam knew it.

 _That is not going to happen_ , he thinks determinedly to himself as he shakes the memories out of his mind and finally steps fully into his room and picks the bed on the right. He slings his bags off of his shoulder and onto his bed before he glances back at the door.

The timid part of himself wants to run over and shut it, thereby closing himself off from any possible disappointment when nobody stops by to say hello. But if he does that then he's setting himself up for failure without even giving himself a chance, and also risk the first encounter with his roommate being weird as well.

Liam breathes in and out slowly as he turns his back to the door and starts unpacking one of his bags in the hopes that the activity will somehow put his mind at ease. Halfway through putting his clothes into his new dresser, Liam starts feeling comfortable enough that he doesn't even realize when he starts to hum a familiar tune. By the time he starts in on his second bag he's moved on from just humming to actual singing; his mind having picked a Michael Bublé song at random for him to amuse himself with.

"Bublé!" Liam jumps at the sound of a voice behind him and he spins around to see a blonde boy with a big smile standing in the doorway. "I love Bublé!"

"Th-That's good?" Liam stutters as the boy comes into the room with an older man trailing behind him, both of them holding multiple bags. The boy deposits his onto the spare bed across from Liam's before he holds his hand out to him and grins even bigger.

"Niall Horan, at your service!"

Liam freezes for a moment before he shakes Niall's hand and stutters yet again as he tells him his name and smiles nervously back.

"This here's me da, Bobby." Niall gestures to the older man who followed him in, who also puts the bags he's holding onto Niall's bed before he comes over to shake Liam's hand.

"Good to meet you," he says gruffly which intimidates Liam, but his smile is warm and Liam recognizes the same proud look in his eyes that he's seen in his own dad's. "Reckon that's it, then?"

"Yeah, should be all set," Niall replies and Liam politely turns away to let the two have a moment before Bobby has to leave.

"Look after each other, alright?" Liam looks back just long enough to see Bobby smile at him again before he pulls Niall into a hug.

"Bye, Da!" Niall calls after him as he leaves, and then it's just the two of them in the room.

Liam feels a pang in his chest as he thinks about his own mum and dad back in Wolverhampton in their empty house, all of their children having finally moved out. He'd texted them to say he'd made it to uni safely but now it feels like his phone is burning a hole in his pocket and he wants to call them more than anything. The problem is he knows that if he calls, his mum will likely start crying and it'll make him even more homesick than he is right now.

Niall doesn't seem bothered that his dad's gone; his eyes aren't red or puffy and his bottom lip is perfectly still, turned upwards in a smile so genuine that Liam wonders if it'll ever fade. Liam clears his throat softly and intends on going back to unpacking to distract himself from his homesickness, but soon finds out that Niall has other plans entirely.

The mattress squeaks when Niall sits down on it, which prompts him to bounce up and down and make it squeak again and again until Liam turns around to give him a weird look. Niall just beams at him and Liam can't help but laugh.

"What're you doing?"

"Havin' fun," Niall replies. "So, Liam, where are you from?"

"Wolverhampton," Liam says as he clears a spot on his own bed so he can sit down and face Niall. "What about you?"

"Ireland. Mullingar, to be precise."

"Cool." Liam clears his throat and shifts nervously, slightly frustrated over already having run out of things to say. He's wondering how long it's going to take for Niall to make up some sort of excuse to leave and probably never come back when Niall surprises him by speaking up again, the wide smile on his face never faltering for a second.

"Fan of Bublé, then?"

*

As far as university goes, it's just about what Liam expected it to be. He still misses his parents but the knot in his stomach loosens with every day that passes and it gets a little easier to be away from home. His classes are normal (although he suspects the boredom he feels in his first few lectures will disappear quickly enough) and he gets used to his schedule with relative ease, but there's one thing he hadn't quite counted on: having a real friend.

He's got zero practice with having a real, _actual_ friend as a supposed adult and as such, he's got no idea how to act around Niall. Sometimes he wonders if it's different because they're roommates and he's never had to share a room with anyone before - there's a whole other level of awkwardness that Liam's only ever experienced in locker rooms - but he can't seem to shake the feeling that he's going to do something wrong and ruin everything.

It doesn't even take a week for Liam to decide that he doesn't want to lose Niall as a friend - even just in the first few days he's already told Niall far more about himself than he's ever told anyone. He doesn't quite understand how it is that he already feels so comfortable with Niall because there's a small part of him that thinks he should hold back, that he should protect himself just in case Niall isn't who he seems to be.

But spending night after night staying up far too late just talking and laughing with him makes Liam think that Niall can't possibly be anyone other than who he appears to be.

Niall is the kind of person who will go out of his way to make anyone laugh if they've had even one second of a bad day. He's bright and loud and over-the top happy; everything that Liam's ever wanted to be. He feels overwhelmingly lucky to have gotten Niall as his roommate, and he's hoping maybe that if everything keeps going well they'll go from being roommates/friends to best friends - but he doesn't want to jinx it.

On the first Saturday of term, Liam wakes up to an empty room. At first he thinks he's still dreaming and rubs his eyes as he stares at Niall's bed across the room, but it doesn't make Niall suddenly appear. Liam frowns and rolls over to face the wall with the intention of going back to sleep and _not_ dwell on the fact that Niall got up and didn't bother to wake him.

He lasts about five minutes before he throws his covers off of himself and slips out of bed.

It's quiet enough on the floor of his dormitory that Liam thinks that this would be the perfect time to take a shower and not be disturbed by all manner of mayhem that usually goes on at any moment in the bathroom. (He's also very relieved that the floor he lives on is boys-only and he doesn't have to endure sharing a bathroom with girls because that is something he's definitely not ready for.)

Liam's mind may still be a bit sleep-addled as he's gathering up his toiletries because he decides that he doesn't need to bring a fresh change of clothes with him and grabs only his towel to dress himself in once he's finished his shower. The thought of running into anyone in the hallway doesn't cross his mind, nor does the idea that Niall might be back by the time he's done.

Needless to say, when Liam returns to the room with just a towel around his waist he's quite surprised to see Niall sitting on his bed with two takeout containers of breakfast from the dining hall.

"There you are!" Niall greets happily when the door opens, but he falls silent when he sees Liam half-naked in the doorway.

Liam freezes with one hand on the doorknob and the other clutching his pajamas and toiletries and stares at Niall with wide eyes. He doesn't know what to think and he certainly doesn't know what to do other than stand completely still and keep looking at Niall as though that's suddenly going to make everything make sense.

Liam is acutely aware of Niall's eyes on him as the water he'd missed with his towel begins to drip down his chest, setting off a line of goosebumps in its wake and making Liam even more self-conscious than normal. As much as he wants to move quickly across the room and cover himself up, Liam can't seem to make his feet move.

"Shit," Niall murmurs after he clears his throat, and Liam's mind finally comes back to him and he's able to react properly.

"I'm so sorry," he says quickly, "I didn't know where you went and I thought I'd have time to..."

"Liam, it's alright," Niall replies with a laugh as he stands up, still staring at him with a look that makes Liam's cheeks burn with embarrassment. "We're all lads here, aren't we?"

"Yeah," Liam answers sheepishly as he takes his hand off the doorknob and clutches at the knot in his towel, "just… m'not used to…"

"Showing off your abs?" Niall asks with a side smirk. "You should, mate," he pauses to press his pointer finger against Liam's stomach and make him jump, "if I had abs like yours I would!"

"Shut up," Liam mumbles, pushing Niall's hand away as he finally regains control of his legs and quickly strides over to his dresser. He turns his back to Niall to give himself some modicum of privacy as he pulls on a shirt, telling himself he's imagining the soft, slightly disappointed groan behind him.

"I got us breakfast," Niall pipes up a few minutes later once Liam's gotten dressed and doesn't feel like he has to hide his red face from Niall's gaze any longer.

"Yeah?" Liam turns and Niall beams at him as he holds out one of the takeout containers for Liam to take.

"Thought I'd let you sleep," Niall goes on as Liam sits down on his own bed and starts eating, ducking his head as he says "didn't have the heart to wake you, if I'm honest."

"I would've gone with you," Liam replies through a mouthful of food, sending Niall into a fit of laughter when he nearly sprays eggs all over the floor between them.

"Disgusting," Niall mutters fondly. "Nah, breakfast in bed's better, innit?"

"Reckon it is," Liam says with a smile as he settles in bed with his back against the wall. Niall does the same and the pair eat in silence for a few minutes until Niall brings up a new topic.

"So I ran into Louis in the dining hall," he starts.

"Louis?"

"Yeah, don't you know him? Lives a couple floors above us, in his second year." Liam stares at him blankly but Niall shrugs it off as he continues, "anyway, apparently one of his mates is having a party tonight and he invited me."

"Oh," Liam replies softly.

"You're invited too," Niall quickly adds, "told him I wouldn't go unless you could come too."

"You didn't have to do that," Liam mumbles.

"I wanted to. Plus, I think you'd like Louis if you got to know him. He's a fan of Iron Man too, y'know." Niall eyes Liam's poster of Iron Man on the wall behind him with a knowing smile, and Liam smiles in spite of the fact that his stomach's started to feel all twisty and weird.

He's glad that Niall thought to include him in the conversation with Louis but he also feels a little off about it, like maybe he's more of an obligation than a wanted guest. Liam stares down at his half-eaten breakfast and can't keep his face from falling into a frown.

He doesn't want to be a second thought or somebody's plus one.

"Hey," Niall says, catching Liam's attention, "you okay?"

"Yeah, m'fine," Liam replies automatically, putting on a smile again so Niall doesn't feel bad. He doesn't want to make Niall feel guilty when it's just his mind going into overdrive and making him think the worst. He tries not to remember how it was this same train of thought that did in his friendship with Andy but it's not easy.

"We don't have to go tonight, not if you don't want to."

"I don't want to keep you from the party," Liam insists, "you can just go without me, I don't mind."

"I mind, though." Niall frowns. "I want you to come with me but if you don't want to go, we can just--"

"No, you should go..."

They keep talking over each other until Niall catches Liam by surprise by saying his name in a slightly exasperated tone and Liam falls silent.

"Do you just… not want to go with me?" he asks softly. "Like, would you rather go with someone else?"

"No, that's…" Liam lets out a disbelieving laugh, "Niall, who else would I go with?"

"I dunno," Niall replies with a sheepish laugh, "maybe you've already got a crazy Saturday night planned."

"Not likely," Liam mutters.

"So you'll come to the party with me?" Niall asks, smiling and wiggling his eyebrows at Liam until he's got no other choice but to agree.

"Yeah, alright. Twist my arm a little more, why don't you?"

"Knew I'd get you to say yes, one way or another." Niall grins. "It'll be a blast, you'll see."

*

Liam waits for the inevitable moment where Niall leaves their room without him; he knows it has to be coming soon. They don't share a single class together so he's already used to not seeing him all day but now that it's the weekend he doesn't expect Niall to stick around all day. He's got friends all over their dormitory so Liam can only imagine how many people Niall has befriended in his classes and he can't imagine that Niall would choose to spend the whole day with him and then go to the party later that night.

But Niall doesn't go anywhere. The only time he leaves the room is to use the toilet and even then he's gone barely five minutes before he's popping back into the room and roping Liam into another conversation.

Liam's not complaining, not by any means, but he can't help but feel confused by the whole situation. The weird feeling in the pit of his stomach that started earlier that morning after the incident following Liam's shower hasn't gone away at all and for the life of him Liam can't figure out why.

He's never felt anything like it before; it's like he's nervous and slightly sick and excited all at once.

Niall keeps smiling brightly at him and has even gone so far as to join Liam on his own bed, first under the pretense of showing Liam something on his phone but nearly two hours have passed and he's still there, pressed into Liam's side.

It doesn't seem to matter that Niall's practically carrying on a conversation with himself as Liam can hardly add more than a word here and there at the best of times. He's wrapped up in his own mind, far too aware of the proximity of Niall's arm to his own and the way it makes his heart beat a little faster.

It's a wonder that Liam doesn't start feigning sickness to get a bit of space, but when the thought crosses his mind it gets pushed out just as quickly. As nervous and uncomfortable as he is, he doesn't want Niall to go.

 _Life before uni was so much easier_ , Liam thinks to himself.

It's both true and false, because Liam never had to deal with this sort of awkward situation (and therefore had no clue how to diffuse the tension that apparently only he was feeling) since it had been ages since anyone actually wanted to hang out with him. Well, apart from his mum... but she doesn't count.

Liam jumps when there's a sudden knock at their door but Niall hardly moves a muscle, just shouts for whoever's on the other side to come in. Liam feels his cheeks burn as the door opens and in walks Louis who gives them an incredulous look when he sees Niall leaning against Liam.

"Well, aren't you two a cozy sight?" he says, the hint of a smirk tugging at his lips.

"Shit, is it time to go already?" Niall asks with a groan. He slumps down on the bed and curls further into Liam's side, slinging his legs over Liam's own and making him blush even more.

"I mean, if I'm interrupting, I can come back later…" Louis continues as his smirk grows into a snide grin and Liam wishes he could crawl under his covers and hide.

"Piss off, Tommo," Niall mumbles as he finally sits up and slides off of Liam's bed. "Give us ten minutes and we'll be ready, yeah?"

"Alright, alright. I'll meet you downstairs, then." Louis shakes his head as he grabs the doorknob. "Don't take too long, we've got to swing by and pick up El on the way. She'll have my head if I'm late again."

"Wouldn't want that," Niall replies before he pushes Louis out through the door and shuts it behind him. He turns back towards Liam and gives him a smile as he rubs his hands together a few times before he claps, and Liam resolutely does _not_ jump at the sound.

"Should I change?" Liam asks as he watches Niall pull open his chest of drawers and dig through his shirts. Niall glances back at him and does a once-over before he shrugs.

"Not if you don't want to. Thinking about pulling tonight?" Niall wiggles his eyebrows and Liam sputters.

"N-No! I've never… I mean, I…"

"Really?" Niall asks, but not in such a way that Liam feels like he's making fun. It's a relief, but only temporary until Liam starts feeling embarrassed regardless. "I'd bet all you'd have to do is look at some lass with those big doe eyes of yours and they'd swoon."

"They would not," Liam says shyly as he ducks his head, his cheeks burning ever brighter as Niall smiles at him.

"If all else fails, just show 'em your abs," Niall says with a wink.

Liam's still blushing by the time they leave their dormitory.

*

The walk from their dormitory to where the party is being held gives Liam the opportunity to grow more comfortable. The three of them collect Eleanor from her dormitory on their way and Liam takes a liking to her instantly; she seems to be the only one who can keep Louis in line.

He's still nervous about the party and the fluttery feeling in the pit of his stomach is strong as ever but he's still hopeful that it'll eventually dissipate. He can't help but think that if he has to live with this feeling for the rest of his life then he's got a very difficult road ahead of him.

"You ready, Payno?" Niall asks as he tosses his arm around Liam's shoulders. They're no more than a block from the party according to Louis - who's walking ahead of them with Eleanor tucked against his side - and Liam does his best to smile like he's not freaking out on the inside.

"It'll be fun, yeah?" he replies hesitantly and Niall laughs heartily.

"Absolutely!"

"Scared, Liam? Anything can happen at one of these, y'know," Louis says in a boastingly loud voice, but he lets out a small yelp shortly after and Eleanor turns around to give Liam an apologetic smile.

"Don't listen to him," she says, "there's nothing to be scared of."

"M'not scared," Liam insists. Louis cackles and Eleanor chides him again but they both turn away from Liam and Niall pats his shoulder.

"Don't worry, m'sure it'll be a great time." Niall smiles widely.

"Yeah," Liam agrees halfheartedly. He tries to smile back at Niall to make it seem like he really isn't scared but it comes across even worse than Liam fears, judging by the way Niall's face falls.

"We don't have to stay long, if you don't want to. Just say the word and we'll head back, alright?"

"I'll be fine," Liam says firmly. He doesn't want to be a wet blanket and have Niall resent him for needing to leave the party before anyone else. As nervous as Liam is he's still determined to give the party a chance and hope for the best.

His determination diminishes rapidly when he loses track of Niall after ten minutes of being at the party.

He curses himself for not foreseeing Niall getting pulled in all directions before he disappears from Liam's side, leaving him all alone in a crowd of people he doesn't know. Liam looks around for any sign of Louis or Eleanor but doesn't see them anywhere either and he's truly baffled at the number of people in the house given its size. He stamps down the idea in his head that it can't possibly be safe to have this many people in such a small house, scolding himself for such a thought.

It's embarrassing that he's such a wet blanket even inside of his own head.

Liam wanders aimlessly through the house as he tries in vain to find at least one of the three people he knows. For a disheartening moment he wonders if this was somehow a plot to embarrass him, similar to when he was in school and had his clothes stolen while he was showering after gym class. He'd been forced to spend the rest of the day in whatever clothes he'd found in the lost and found since none of the lads in his class would own up to where his clothes had gone.

The sting of having to wear a Peppa Pig shirt with neon green gym shorts is something Liam will probably never forget, but even worse was the look on Andy's face that was only there for a moment before he avoided looking Liam in the eye.

He tries to ignore the pain in his chest when the memory crosses his mind and he tells himself that while Louis _might_ do that, Niall wouldn't. At least, he hopes not.

Despite his feeling despondent for being left all on his own, Liam takes comfort in the fact that his stomach doesn't feel like it's in knots anymore. He's relieved to be feeling normal again and not have to worry about what that feeling means because as far as he's concerned, if he doesn't feel it then he doesn't have to think about it.

At least, that's what he tells himself to keep from thinking about it.

Liam wanders into the kitchen and peruses the impressive spread of alcohol that takes up several tables but inevitably doesn't choose anything. He peers into a punchbowl and the smell alone makes his eyes water and it's clear that whatever's in there, while it may have been punch at one point it is certainly not just normal punch now.

Feeling slightly defeated, Liam trudges back into the crowd and finds himself in what he assumes is the living room and finds a relatively quiet spot along one wall. He decides that the best possible option is to stay in one place and hope that Niall eventually meanders by but he's not about to hold his breath for that to happen any time soon.

He passes the time going back and forth between people watching and dodging his fellow uni students as they drunkenly pass by. He contemplates going back into the kitchen and grabbing a drink at random just to have something to hold onto and keep his hands occupied but he keeps hesitating, just in case Niall's about to walk by as soon as he makes the decision to go.

Between one minute and the next, the crowd in the living room suddenly parts and Liam catches the eye of a girl sitting on the couch across the room. She smiles at him and Liam's stomach just about drops down to his toes at the sight. He glances around quickly but it doesn't look like there's anyone else that she could possibly be looking at apart from him, and it's made even clearer when he looks back at her with the way she giggles and waves in his direction.

Liam barely manages a wave back; he's surprised that his brain can function long enough to get his arm to move at all.

He stares at her when she beckons him over, the dimple in her cheek becoming more prominent the wider her smile gets and Liam's hopelessly frozen in place. He can't imagine actually crossing the room to get to her, let alone what he'd say when he got over there.

All he manages to do is shake his head and try not to let it hurt too much to see her frown and push her bottom lip out in a pout.

She tries once more to get him to come over, mouthing _come here_ to him and Liam knows he's blushing like never before. His stomach is in knots all over again, that same twisty feeling from this morning is back in full force and it's messing with his head.

Liam shakes his head and mouths _sorry_ back to her before he ducks out of her line of sight and makes a beeline for the kitchen. It's a stupid thing to do, considering she could just as easily follow him to the kitchen but he's firm in his belief that she won't do that.

He grabs the first drink he sees and heads for the complete opposite end of the house from where he'd been before so that he can find a corner to collapse in. He presses his hand to his chest and shuts his eyes as he wills his heart to stop pounding and touches the bottle he'd grabbed to his forehead, grateful for the condensation dripping down the side to cool him off.

After a few minutes of deep breathing Liam tilts his head back against the wall and opens his eyes to stare up at the ceiling, feeling like maybe he's calmed down enough to get a grip on his thoughts.

He's not ready at all, as it turns out, because his mind immediately starts reeling with so many overwhelming thoughts that his head feels like it's spinning.

Not once in his life has he ever felt like this and now to have it happen twice in one day makes Liam question absolutely everything that he thought he knew about himself. He'd already been feeling weird about getting that twisty feeling around Niall - still and probably forever unsure about why he felt it - but now to get the same feeling from looking at a girl he didn't know, well, that just changed everything.

How could he possibly be feeling the same thing for two people, especially when one of them was his _male_ roommate?

He'd had crushes on girls before but nothing had ever turned out in his favor and he'd certainly never felt anything like this. Not once had he been the object of a girl's affection; he'd never been chatted up by a girl, how could he have ever been expected to go up to that one?

The image of her pout reappears in his mind and he closes his eyes again as he whimpers under his breath. He feels even more miserable than he had before when all he had to deal with was being ditched. He can't possibly ever look anyone in the eye again, who knows how many people witnessed what had just happened.

In a rare moment of absentmindedness, Liam takes a sip from the bottle he's been holding against his forehead and grimaces at the taste. He's never developed a taste for beer and he suspects that he never will if that's what they all taste like, but he takes another drink regardless. Maybe the sour taste on his tongue will distract him from the utter mess his life has become after just one week at uni.

*

Liam is still sulking in the corner nearly an hour later when Niall finally finds him. Liam doesn't even realize he's passed by until he feels a gentle kick against his foot and he looks up to see Niall staring down at him with a curious look and a tentative smile.

"Having fun?" he asks. Liam can't find the will to answer so he just shrugs and drops his eyes back down to the floor.

Niall frowns and steps to the side so he can sit down next to Liam and he slips his arm around Liam's shoulders like it's the easiest thing in the world to do. As his fingers brush over the thin material of Liam's shirt and dig into his flesh a little when he gives him a hug, Liam's heart starts beating a little faster and his head feels woozy.

He grimaces as he looks down at the half-drunk bottle of beer in his hand before he passes it to Niall. It was unlikely that he'd finish it before Niall came around and now that the butterflies in his stomach are back in full force, there's no way he will.

"You feeling alright, Liam?" Niall asks after he's taken the bottle from Liam's hand. He glances at the label and chuckles under his breath but doesn't mark any further remarks as he waits for Liam to say something. Liam groans a little and slumps to one side so he's half-curled into Niall, already planning on using the fact that he's a terrible lightweight to his advantage.

"Think I've had too much," he mumbles, nodding towards the beer bottle. He doesn't have to admit that it's the only bottle he's even touched all night, Niall doesn't have to know that.

"Is that right?" Niall hums and taps his fingers against Liam's arm as he looks at the label again, tilting it so that Liam can see it as well. "Think maybe it's something else bothering you?"

"No," Liam mutters as he resists the urge to turn and press his face into Niall's shoulder in order to hide away from the world, "definitely not. I just… don't drink often."

"I see that," Niall says with a soft laugh, "otherwise you probably would've known that this is a non-alcoholic beer."

"What?" Liam pulls himself away from Niall and takes the bottle back into his own hand and stares at the label. Somehow he'd completely missed the print at the bottom where it clearly says "NON-ALCOHOLIC", and now he's feeling even more embarrassed than before.

"Who puts this shit out at a party, anyway?" Niall says as he snatches the bottle out of Liam's hand and sets it on his other side before he pulls Liam in for a cuddle, "it's downright stupid."

"I'm stupid," Liam grumbles, "can't do anything right, me."

"Hey," Niall says with a frown, "don't say that."

"It's true."

"Is not, you can do plenty of things right."

"Like what?" Liam stares down at the floor, avoiding Niall's eyes. He doesn't mean for Niall to actually reply with a list of things, most of which being small facts about himself that he'd told Niall over the past week during their late night conversations and hadn't expected him to ever remember. The longer Niall goes on the more butterflies flutter inside Liam's stomach and he becomes less embarrassed about being bad at parties and more embarrassed at the way Niall makes him feel.

"You sure you're alright?" Niall asks at last. "You look a bit peaky."

Liam groans softly and rubs at his eyes; he wants to tell Niall what happened with the girl from before but he's scared to. He's worried that if he starts telling Niall about her then he'll end up confessing that he felt the same way looking at her as he does when Niall's around, and the last thing he wants to do is make Niall hate him.

As easygoing as Niall seems to be, Liam can't be sure that Niall wouldn't start avoiding him if he were to admit that he's got _feelings_ or something. If that's even what's really going on inside Liam's mind; everything is so confusing inside his head that he feels as though he's trapped on a merry-go-round that won't ever stop spinning.

"Should we head out?" Niall asks, which makes Liam frown even more.

"You were having fun," he protests weakly.

"You're not," Niall replies, "and if you're not having fun then I'm not having fun."

"Niall--"

"C'mon, let's go home."

Niall lightly jostles Liam by his shoulder before he goes to stand up and pull Liam along with him. Liam goes without a fight but the frown remains etched into his face as Niall pulls him through the party and towards the front door. He hates that he's making Niall leave the party for no good reason, especially when several people try to stop him as they're leaving but Niall brushes every single one of them off.

"You didn't have to leave," Liam mumbles once they've finally gotten out of the house. Niall slips his arm through Liam's before he stuffs his hands into his pockets and as Liam glances down at where their arms are linked he feels his stomach flip at the sight.

"Wouldn't want you to walk home all alone, would I?"

Liam ducks his head and goes to pull his arm away but Niall tightens his arm so Liam's is trapped against his elbow, forcing him to stay close. Niall presses his other hand against Liam's bicep and rubs it as he smiles, causing Liam's cheeks to turn red - possibly their new permanent color.

"You're weird," Liam says, having intended for that thought to remain in his head, and he immediately claps his hand over his mouth and stares at Niall in horror. Just as he goes to apologize, Niall throws his head back and he laughs so hard that by the time he's calmed down there are tears in his eyes.

Liam doesn't think what he said was very funny in the first place so he's entirely confused as to why Niall laughed, but the last thing he wants to do is ask.

Niall doesn't offer up a reason behind his laughter and every so often stray giggles sneak out of his mouth as they walk back to their dormitory. Liam enjoys the sound so much that after a few minutes his confusion disappears and he doesn't even care why Niall is laughing, he just knows that he wants him to keep doing it.

When they get back to their room Liam expects the two of them to separate and go to sleep in their own beds. They're both quiet as they change into pajamas, Liam making sure to avert his eyes and turn his back to Niall whereas Niall strips his shirt and jeans off without so much as a care in the world. After, Liam crawls into his bed and is absolutely surprised by Niall grabbing his laptop and climbing into Liam's bed along with him as he boots up Netflix.

"Avengers?" he offers. "Batman?"

Before Liam can answer Niall's phone chimes with a text. Niall doesn't move to check it but Liam can't help but stare at it on the other side of the room until Niall passes him the laptop and climbs out of bed to grab it. He laughs as he unlocks the screen, quickly getting back into Liam's bed and showing him the picture that Louis sent him.

"He's such an idiot," Niall remarks fondly as he texts back **try not to hurt urself!**

"You could've gone back," Liam mumbles, "if you wanted."

"Why d'you keep doing that?" Niall asks as he sets his phone down between them and ignores the chime of another text.

"Doing what?" Liam asks even though he knows full well what Niall's talking about.

"Making it seem like I shouldn't want to hang out with you," Niall replies with a small frown. "Like I shouldn't want to be your friend."

"I didn't mean to," Liam says as he looks down at the bed between them, trying not to focus on Niall's phone as it lights up again. "I just…"

"Just what?"

"I'm not cool," Liam sighs, "I'm not funny or clever or whatever, I'm just… me. Boring old Liam from Wolverhampton with no friends and…"

"Hey," Niall says softly as he scoots closer to gently place his hand on Liam's shoulder. It's only after Niall's interrupted him that Liam realizes there are tears in his eyes and his chest feels a bit tight. He's never admitted to anyone that he didn't have any friends in sixth form, mostly because he'd obviously never had anyone who cared besides his parents and sisters and he hadn't wanted them to worry.

"Sorry," he mumbles as he tries to discreetly wipe his eyes even though Niall's staring straight at him.

"You don't have to be sorry," Niall replies, "I'm the one who should be sorry."

"Why? You've been nothing but nice to me and I just… I push you away." Liam lets out a hollow laugh and wipes at his eyes again. "And I cry like a complete idiot. Dunno why you'd ever want to be my friend now."

"Don't say that," Niall says as he squeezes Liam's shoulder. "You're great. Everyone in Wolverhampton is an idiot, not you."

"You're just--"

"I'm not just saying that," Niall interrupts, taking the words right out of Liam's mouth. He looks up at Niall sort of helplessly and opens and closes his mouth several times before he can make proper words come out again.

"But… you've only just met me."

"So?"

"So… you can't possibly know."

Niall shrugs. "You like me, don't you?"

Liam stares at Niall wordlessly for a minute as he tries to come up with a response that doesn't let on just how much Liam genuinely likes him. He needs more time to process that fluttery feeling in his stomach and he needs it to not be when Niall's staring at him so intently and making that feeling a hundred times worse.

"Yeah," he manages to squeak out, cringing at the way his voice cracks but relieved when Niall chuckles like it's the best answer in the world.

"See?" Niall grins widely at Liam and squeezes his shoulder again. "You should give yourself the same chance you've given me. And pick a bloody movie before my laptop battery dies."

"Alright," Liam says with a laugh as he passes Niall's laptop back over to him and quietly mumbles, "Batman."

"Thought so," Niall replies proudly as he rolls onto his back and settles in for the film, taking care to elbow Liam's side until he does the same.

It's a good thing Liam's seen Batman Begins over a hundred times because he can hardly pay attention for more than ten seconds during the whole film. He's acutely aware of how close Niall is to him at the start of it and it only grows as the film progresses and Niall shifts ever closer. By the end of it he's practically curled into Liam's side and desperately trying to keep his eyes open while Liam's wide awake and positive that Niall can hear how fast his heart is beating.

"Christian Bale, man," Niall mumbles sleepily once the credits roll and he shuts his laptop, "he's the best."

"Yeah," Liam answers after swallowing harshly. Niall yawns and stretches to put his laptop onto Liam's desk and then flops back down and grunts happily as he presses his face into Liam's shoulder.

"Your sheets are softer than mine," he mumbles as his eyes droop shut.

Liam knows he should shake Niall awake, make him get into his own bed and go to sleep there instead of in Liam's bed that is far too small for two people in this situation. But then he looks down at Niall and melts a little as he watches him snoring softly into his shoulder.

He can't possibly kick Niall out of his bed, not when all he wants to do is let him stay.

Liam settles down beside Niall, careful not to jostle him too much as he gets comfortable, and pulls his duvet up over the both of them before he shuts his own eyes. He knows he won't be able to sleep until his heart stops pounding which means he's in for a long night, especially when Niall shifts in his sleep and curls an arm around Liam's waist.

 _Shit_ , Liam thinks to himself as he wills his arms to stay at his sides and refrain from curling around Niall as well, _I'm so screwed._

*

Over the next few days Liam tries everything he can to keep himself in check around Niall. Days on which they both have classes are the easiest for him to continue on as though everything in his life is totally normal and he isn't maybe having feelings for his best friend slash roommate.

Liam keeps telling himself that what he feels when he looks at Niall has nothing to do with real _feelings_ ; it's not what his dad told him when he explained the birds and the bees to Liam a couple years earlier, much to his own horror. Not once did his dad say anything about feeling those sorts of things for other boys so it can't possibly be that, right?

Besides that, Liam's also got to deal with a recurring dream in which the mystery girl from the party keeps making an appearance and muddling up his mind even more. He doesn't know her name and is almost entirely certain that he'll never see her again but that doesn't stop his mind from remembering her smile when she looked at him that night.

Liam's mind is clearly trying to drive him insane.

It only gets worse in the middle of the week when Liam's minding his own business as he waits for his lecture to start. He's taken his usual seat in the middle of the hall and is mindlessly doodling in the margin of his notebook when he hears a group of girls laughing behind him. For a split second he worries that they're somehow laughing at him so he tries to be sneaky about stealing a glance at them as they pass by his row, but it's no use.

As soon as he looks he wishes he hadn't because he immediately locks eyes with one of them as the group walks by - and it's the same girl from the party on Saturday.

She smiles widely and lifts her hand to wiggle her fingers in a wave before she continues down the stairs to follow her friends. Liam awkwardly smiles back but can't move a muscle to return her wave.

His mind is racing nearly as fast as his heart, desperately trying to remember if he'd seen her in this lecture the week before. Is that why she'd waved to him at the party? Had she looked at him before and he'd been completely oblivious to it? Liam can't imagine not having noticed her simply based on how his eyes are drawn to her now, but he was almost positive that she hadn't attended this lecture before.

Before he can do anything stupid - like get up from his seat and either go over to her or leave the room and never, ever come back - the professor comes in and begins his lesson for the day. Liam spends the entirety of the class torn between wanting to pay attention and wanting to sneak glances at the girl.

He tries to be subtle about it; he doesn't turn his head entirely in her direction so as to not draw attention to himself and he spends no more than a few seconds looking each time, but it's of no use really, she still catches him.

As his cheeks burn from embarrassment he notices that she doesn't seem to mind at all. In fact, every subsequent time he looks at her she's already looking at him. She doesn't appear to care about paying attention to the professor at all, nor does it bother her that her group of friends are whispering and giggling all around her as she continues to look at Liam.

By the time the class is over Liam realizes that he hardly paid any attention at all and can only hope that whatever the lesson was about won't be a large part of the midterm. He foolishly takes his eyes off of the girl to pack up his bag and when he looks up she's standing at the end of his row, smiling at him. There's no other way for Liam to exit the lecture hall unless he climbs over the row of desks behind him so he has no choice but to walk towards her and hope for the best.

"Hi," he says shyly, trying his hardest to not stare at the floor as he awkwardly shuffles his feet.

"Hi," she replies brightly, "you're Liam, right? Niall's roommate?"

Liam stares at her blankly as his heart sinks, _of course_ she only knows him because of Niall. He's already expecting her to ask for his number or what dormitory they're in when she speaks again and catches him off guard.

"I'm Harry." She extends her hand to him and smiles widely. Her expression doesn't change even though it takes Liam several seconds to catch up and shake her hand in return.

"Sorry," he says awkwardly, "I don't… I'm not sure why you're…?"

"Why I'm what?" Harry asks. Her smile doesn't fade but Liam can't help the frown that forms on his own face.

"Talking to me," he finishes, half in a mumble as his eyes drop to the floor. He's waiting for the inevitable scoff or something to that effect before she storms off and never speaks to him again, or at least that's what he's come to expect from his past interactions with pretty girls.

"I had to find out why you wouldn't come say hi to me last Saturday," she says, and Liam looks up to see Harry still smiling at him. Her eyes sparkle with a hint of mischief and the way she's looking at him makes Liam feel a bit dizzy and warm all over.

"You don't even know me," Liam continues in the same low mumble and it's surprising to him that Harry can even understand what he's saying, but that doesn't mean that he's willing to speak up. He still can't be sure that she isn't playing some sort of trick on him.

"That's the point of saying hello, isn't it? Isn't uni all about meeting new people?"

"S'pose it is, but--"

"Have you got your mobile handy?" she asks, interrupting his train of thought but strangely Liam finds he doesn't mind it at all. He fumbles slightly as he pats down his pockets, pulling out his phone with far less grace than he'd have liked.

"What are you--" he starts to ask, but she takes his phone from him and programs her number into it under her name and a red heart emoji.

"There," she says, grinning as she hands it back to him. "Now you can text me and we can get to know each other better. Sound good?"

"I guess, but--"

"We should do lunch or something tomorrow," she goes on, "or maybe Friday? Whatever's best for you."

"Tomorrow's fine," Liam replies despite the fact that his head's spinning and he has no idea what's going on.

"Perfect." Harry squeezes Liam's forearm and then pats it lightly. "Text me and we'll figure out the details, okay?"

"Okay," Liam answers, dazed.

"Bye, Liam!" Harry turns on her heel and climbs the steps out of the lecture hall two at a time to catch up to her friends, who have been waiting for her at the door the whole time and Liam hadn't even realized.

"Bye," he calls after her, far too late judging by the giggles that erupt from her friends once she reaches them. He waits until they've all left the room and then another few minutes before he starts climbing the stairs, his phone still clutched in his hand and his mind still caught in a whirlwind.

He stares at Harry's name in his contacts list the whole way back to the dormitory, somehow miraculously managing not to run into anybody while he's not paying attention to how he walks. It doesn't matter how many times he locks and unlocks his phone, Harry's number is still there and he still can't believe it.

Niall's already inside their room when Liam returns, he's sprawled across his bed with a textbook open but face-down on his chest while he texts on his phone as Liam opens the door. He props himself up on his elbows and smiles at Liam when he comes in but when he sees the uncertain look on Liam's face his smile falters.

"You alright, mate?"

"Yeah," Liam lies as he shakes his head. He curls his fist around his phone tightly for a moment before he decides to backtrack entirely, "actually, no."

"What's wrong?"

Liam can't decide how to answer Niall's question in a coherent manner so he ends up sitting down on the foot of Niall's bed and passing him his phone, unlocked to show Harry's number sitting in his contact list. Niall looks down at it and then back up at Liam with an uncertain smile and he laughs nervously.

"Is this bad?"

"I don't know," Liam answers honestly. "I've never gotten a girl's number before."

"Get in!" Niall says as he claps Liam on the shoulder. "First time for everything, innit?"

Liam flushes slightly and takes his phone from Niall when he passes it back. He fumbles with it as he continues, "it was weird, though."

"Weird how?"

"She just… came up to me. Out of nowhere, really." Liam shrugs. "I mean, I saw her at the party on Saturday, but--"

"You didn't tell me that!" Niall interrupts excitedly. "What'd you say? What'd she say?"

"I didn't talk to her," Liam mumbles in shame. "Couldn't even go up to her, I was so nervous. Ran away like an idiot and hid 'til you found me in that corner."

"Oh, Liam." Niall frowns. "Is that why you weren't having fun?"

Liam shakes his head. "Parties just aren't my thing, I guess. I'm rubbish at them."

"Nah, you just don't have a lot of practice," Niall insists. "Next time I promise I won't lose you, alright?"

Liam shrugs again; he knows it's an empty promise even if Niall doesn't. He can't imagine any party scenario where Niall sticks to his side the entire night. It's not Niall's fault that Liam doesn't know what to do at parties because he never really went to any. He'd gone to Andy's birthday parties when he was younger but as they grew older and Andy's social circle grew bigger, Liam started declining Andy's invites until one day he stopped being invited altogether.

Liam hadn't minded, really. At least, that's what he told himself.

"But anyway," Niall continues, "what about Harry? What'd she say today?"

"She invited me to lunch tomorrow, I think." Liam shakes his head. "Told me to text her, but I don't--"

"You should!" Niall interrupts again.

"B-But I can't!"

"Why not?"

"What would I say? What would I do?" Liam shakes his head again, more firmly this time. "She'd just laugh at me."

"You don't know that," Niall replies earnestly.

"Yes, I do," Liam mumbles. "It's what everyone does, sooner or later."

"Liam," Niall whispers, "you don't mean that, do you?"

Liam shrugs as he stares down at his feet. It's the one thing about himself that he hasn't told Niall, despite all the hours they've spent talking about themselves. He's still embarrassed by the amount of ridicule he's received from his peers throughout his school years and he finds that talking about it only makes it worse.

He's still not convinced that Niall won't wake up one day and realize what a loser Liam really is and start ignoring him like everyone else.

Liam's surprised when Niall suddenly wraps his arms around him in a tight hug, squeezing him as though that will rid him of every negative thought he's ever had.

"You're brilliant," Niall whispers, "you're smart and funny and anyone would be lucky to get to know you, you hear me?"

"Niall," Liam murmurs as his throat closes up and he wills himself not to cry.

"Say it. Say you're brilliant."

"I'm brilliant," Liam chokes out and Niall hugs him even tighter.

"Fucking right, you are." He ruffles Liam's hair as he lets him go, laughing when Liam cracks a smile. "There's the Liam I know and love."

Liam's heart swells at that, and his cheeks burn as he ducks his head.

"So," Niall says as he rubs his hands together, "now you've got to text Harry."

"W-What?" Liam sputters. "No!"

"Why not?" Niall lays his hand on Liam's shoulder and smiles. "It'll be fine, trust me."

Liam whimpers softly as he looks down at his phone. It takes a full minute for his hands to stop shaking long enough for him to open a new text message. He only manages to address it to Harry before he's turning to Niall with wide, pleading eyes.

"What do I say?"

"Um," Niall laughs, "how about, 'hi, it's Liam, what d'you fancy for lunch tomorrow?'"

"I can't say that." Liam gulps. "That's… it's too much."

"Asking her what she wants for lunch is too much?" Niall shakes his head. "Li, you're not asking her to marry you, it's just lunch!"

Liam moans pathetically and falls to one side, pressing his face down against Niall's bed. Niall laughs and rubs Liam's shoulder sympathetically as he continues to whine.

"I can't do this," Liam mumbles as he tries to give Niall his phone. "You do it."

"Alright, alright," Niall says as he takes the phone out of Liam's hand. "But I'm going to say exactly what I said before."

Liam spends the next two minutes whimpering into Niall's mattress until his phone pings with a new message. Niall hums thoughtfully before he holds the phone in front of Liam's face for him to see Harry's reply.

**Hiii Liam! :) I always fancy a good sandwich, but I'm not picky. Do you have anything in mind? :)**

"What do I say now?" Liam asks as he rolls onto his back and stares up at Niall, who shakes his head in return.

Twenty minutes later, Liam's made plans with Harry for lunch the following day but his nerves haven't gotten any better. At the rate he's going, he's well on his way to a nervous breakdown before breakfast.

"You have to come with me," Liam begs.

"I can't come with you!" Niall laughs. "It's a date!"

"You have to! I can't do this on my own!"

"You'll be fine, Liam." Niall pats his shoulder. "I promise."

"At least come to the cafe with me. Be like, my moral support or something."

"Liam…"

"Please?" Liam sticks his bottom lip out in a pout and Niall groans.

"Put that thing away, you great baby," Niall says as he pushes Liam's face away. "I'll come, but only so I know you actually go."

Liam smiles and wraps his arms around Niall in a hug so tight they end up falling back onto the mattress. Laughter overtakes them both until they're breathless but still giggly, lying next to each other in Niall's tiny bed.

Liam tells himself that the tightness in his chest is just nerves over his date with Harry tomorrow, nothing more. It can't be anything more.

*

To say that Liam doesn't have a good night's sleep would be an understatement. He tosses and turns all night and nearly starts crying at least four separate times because he's _exhausted_ but can't seem to fall asleep for more than a few minutes at a time. The red numbers on Niall's clock are practically staring him down all night long, burning his eyes with their harsh reminder that the time until his date with Harry tomorrow is passing at an agonizing pace.

His eyes fall on Niall more times than he can count and even though Niall's sound asleep, Liam still blushes every time he shifts in his sleep. It's as though Niall's one snuffle away from waking up and catching Liam staring at him like the creep he's trying so desperately not to be.

When Niall laughs and mumbles in his sleep Liam wonders what he's dreaming about. He hopes it's a nice dream, one that Niall will be able to remember fondly when he wakes up. Maybe he'll be able to tell it to Liam in the morning if he's lucky.

Liam groans softly and forces himself to roll over and away from the side of his bed that faces Niall, pressing his face against his pillow as he shuts his eyes tightly. He ends up rolling over so far that he's lying on his stomach with one arm tucked underneath him and the other curled around his pillow.

"Sleep," he mumbles into his pillow, "sleep, sleep, sleep. Niall's asleep. Be like Niall. You're sleepy, why won't you _sleep_?"

Liam groans again and turns his head so as to not have a mouthful of pillowcase, ending up facing Niall's bed all over again. With the faint light coming in through their window Liam can see the smile on Niall's face and the exposed part of his chest since his duvet has shifted in his sleep, making a warmth starts in his tummy and spreads through his body at the sight. When Liam goes to shift again, his hips rock down against his mattress and a shiver runs down his spine as he lets out a soft gasp.

He doesn't know when he got hard, but now it's all he can think about.

"No," he tells himself firmly as he turns his head away from Niall. "You are not going to wank to-- _with_ your roommate in the room," he whispers, cursing under his breath before he covers his head with his pillow.

Liam eventually falls into a restless sleep and when he wakes up Niall is already awake and even though nothing actually happened the night before, Liam can't look him in the eye.

It's going to be a long day.

Niall has to more or less drag Liam to the cafe where he's agreed to meet Harry, insisting that they've got to be there early so Harry's less likely to see him. If Liam had his way they wouldn't show up at all and he'd pretend he'd gotten sick overnight and spend the entire day in bed, but it's fairly clear that Niall isn't about to let that happen.

"It's going to be great, Liam," Niall assures him, "you'll see."

Liam can only offer a groan in return as he shuffles to follow Niall into the cafe. They pick out a table for Liam and Harry to sit at first, and, after he's promised not to run off, Liam takes a seat to wait for Harry. Niall then takes a seat at a table on the other side of the cafe that faces Liam but is hidden from the door, and Liam all but holds his breath as he hopes Harry doesn't spot Niall when she comes in.

Niall gives Liam a thumbs up before he picks up a menu and starts perusing it, leaving Liam alone to stew in his thoughts. He checks his watch approximately twenty times in the span of a minute, feeling awful that he's come up with at least fifteen different excuses to give Harry when she shows up.

It's not that he doesn't want to be there, it's just… well, he doesn't know what he wants.

Harry shows up about three minutes after the time they agreed to meet, giving Liam enough time to nearly work up the nerve to get up from the table and make a run for it. Just as he's about to rise to his feet he catches a glimpse of Harry running past the window and then bursting through the cafe door. She lets out a breathless laugh and apologizes to the employee behind the counter who gives her a rather stern look before she turns in Liam's direction and a wide smile appears on her face.

"Hi!" she says as she plops down in the chair across from Liam. "Hope I haven't kept you waiting too long, I swear I'm usually on time."

"It's alright," Liam answers, and Harry breathes a sigh of relief.

"Oh, good. Have you ordered yet?" she asks as she picks up one of the menus off the table. "I've never been here before, but I've heard most everything is good. Ooh, look! They've got [clever](http://i66.tinypic.com/2u54d50.jpg) [names](http://i64.tinypic.com/sbsva9.jpg) for [everything](http://i65.tinypic.com/143ml3b.jpg)!"

She shares her menu with Liam and starts reading off various items, giggling at some more than others and Liam just smiles in return. He lets his eyes wander to Niall when Harry looks at the menu, and when Niall catches him looking he gestures for Liam to focus on his date.

Harry keeps rambling and Liam is surprised by the fact that he finds it endearing that she doesn't seem to stop talking. He listens to her and adds in a word or two here and there, but he genuinely doesn't mind that the conversation is mostly one-sided. Harry is, in a word, _lovely_.

It's not until after their food arrives at the table that Harry turns it around and asks for Liam to tell her about himself. It shouldn't catch Liam off guard as much as it does, but Harry just keeps smiling as Liam struggles to find his words.

"I dunno what to tell you," he admits with a sheepish laugh.

"Anything!" she replies. "Have you got any pets back home? What're your mum and dad like? What's your favorite film?"

"Erm… that's a lot to start with." He rubs the back of his neck nervously and Harry props her chin up in the palm of her hand as she leans over the table towards him.

"Take your time, I'm all ears."

Liam takes a deep breath and a sip of his drink before he decides he's ready to start. He fights the urge to look at Niall for reassurance, forcing himself to stay focused on Harry.

"I used to have turtles, when I was younger. They were nice, I suppose. Didn't do much, but they were always nice company." Liam can feel his cheeks turning red as he speaks and there's a voice in the back of his head saying _you sound like an idiot_ but he keeps talking anyway. "I always wanted a dog but my mum said it was too much responsibility and we didn't really have a yard or anything for one to run around in, anyway."

"I love dogs," Harry says in an almost dreamy voice, as though she's imagining holding a puppy at that very moment, "but I've only ever had a cat." She shrugs and then apologizes for interrupting, and Liam's cheeks burn even brighter.

"My mum's a worrier but she means well," Liam goes on after he remembers what else Harry asked. "My dad and I used to go to boxing together, that was the one thing we did that my mum and sisters never got to join in on."

"You boxed?" Harry says, her eyes bright as she gives Liam a considering look. He shifts under her gaze and all but curls in on himself when she reaches out to touch his arm. "That's amazing."

"It was fun," Liam mumbles, "my mum always said it was the one thing that got my dad off his bum, but I think she was mostly joking."

Harry laughs. "Your mum sounds lovely."

Liam doesn't know what to say to that so he shrugs and loses his inner battle to not look at Niall as he does so. Niall gives him another thumbs up and Liam must stare at him for a beat too long because Harry has to say his name to get his attention.

"Sorry," he says as he clears his throat. "Favorite film next, right?"

"Yeah," she replies with another smile, and Liam's relieved that he doesn't have to explain himself.

"I love Batman, the new ones with Christian Bale are sick."

"Can I tell you a secret?" Harry asks. Liam nods in return and she chuckles nervously before whispering, "I haven't seen any of them."

Liam shrugs. "They're a bit dark, but they're really good. Like, really good."

"Well, if you say so." Harry smiles. "Maybe we can watch them sometime."

Harry winks and Liam gulps, smiling awkwardly back at her before he sends Niall a rather panicked look. He may have gotten away with it before, but this time Harry catches him looking and turns around in her seat to see what's gotten his attention.

"Is that…" she trails off, laughing as Niall quickly grabs his menu to hide his face. She turns back to look at Liam and he stares at her with a terrified look on his face. "That's Niall over there, isn't it?"

Part of Liam wants to deny it and see where that gets him, but he has a sinking feeling it wouldn't turn out well.

"Yes?" he ends up saying and to his surprise, Harry laughs.

"Niall!" she calls, "come join us!"

Liam buries his face in his hands to try and hide his embarrassment as Niall gathers up his food and makes his way across the cafe to them. He pulls up a chair and shakes his head as he sits down, chuckling under his breath.

"Real smooth, Liam."

"Shut up," Liam mumbles.

"Have you been sitting there the whole time?" Harry asks.

Liam knows it's not physically possible, but it certainly feels like he's about to die from embarrassment.

"Maybe," Niall replies. "Had to keep an eye on this one, didn't I? Make sure he didn't do anything ridiculous."

"Niall--"

"Like what?" Harry asks, intrigued.

"I keep telling him, all he has to do to make someone swoon is show off his abs."

"NIALL!"

"Is that true, Liam?" Harry turns to him with the same considering look from before and Liam wants the ground to swallow him up immediately. Niall too, just for spite.

"Don't listen to him," Liam begs.

"Take my word for it," Niall says in a stage whisper as he winks at Harry. She giggles and Liam groans pathetically.

"I should've known," Harry says with a smirk that makes Liam's stomach feel like it's made entirely out of knots.

"Can we talk about something else?" Liam asks.

"If we must," Harry says with a bit of a sad huff. "Only if you promise to show me your abs sometime," she adds with a wink. "Got to see them for myself, y'know, for science."

"Oh my god," Liam says as he lays his head down on the table while Niall laughs uproariously.

There is no way in hell Liam is ever going to live this down.

*

Instead of facing his problems like a proper adult - although who's to say he's a real adult anyway, after all he's barely a month into his first term at uni - Liam chooses to deal with them the same way he always has: to ignore them entirely until they go away on their own.

Liam limits contact with Harry as much as he can, which isn't as easy as he hoped it would be. She texts him several times a day and every time she sends several in rapid succession his guilt grows as he tries to ignore them. Every time she tries to make plans for another date he begs off, claiming he's got revising to do.

Avoiding her at the one class they share is nearly impossible unless Liam is the last to enter and first to leave the room. He's grateful for the fact that Harry has multiple friends in that class and therefore doesn't try to sit next to him, but that doesn't mean he's not still waiting for the day when she does exactly that.

On the other hand he's got Niall to deal with, and that's even more exhausting. He can't hide from Niall, not when they live together. The revision excuse only lasts for so long when they're both sat in their room and Niall can actually see when Liam's finished his work.

Some days he goes straight from classes to the library and camps out there for as long as he can, usually until they literally kick him out at closing and he has nowhere else to go but back to the dormitory.

It's not the best system for dealing with his issues but it's all Liam knows how to do.

Even with all the avoiding he still thinks about both Niall and Harry constantly. He catches himself smiling more often than not when Harry texts him, even if it only lasts for a second before he's pushing his phone away. He's lost count of the number of times he's zoned out while looking at Niall, ever thankful for the fact that Niall either doesn't notice or doesn't mind.

Days turn into weeks as Liam sticks to his plan of aversion but his feelings for both Harry and Niall continue to grow as the time passes.

He can't compete with Niall leaving snacks on his desk with short notes that read " _thought you'd like this!_ " or " _for when you take a break!_ " and Harry [texting](http://i68.tinypic.com/10zagqr.jpg) him pictures of her cat that her mum sends her or silly little trinkets she finds in shops on weekends. He simply doesn't know how to be their friend when his head and his heart are all twisted up inside of him.

It should come as no surprise that bottling up all of his feelings creates enough stress that Liam's sleep schedule gets thrown off, but still Liam lies awake most nights entirely bewildered by the fact that he can't rest. He tries everything he can think of to make himself fall asleep, but all he can manage is a few hours of restless sleep here and there before his morning alarm goes off and he has to start another day.

He starts to forget what a decent night's sleep even feels like; he gets too used to being exhausted all the time that he doesn't even realize the circles under his eyes darken with every passing day. Compensating with too many cups of coffee becomes his daily routine, but even though he doesn't acknowledge his growing problem it doesn't mean it isn't noticeable to others.

Liam doesn't realize how bad it's gotten until one morning he wakes up of his own accord, not to the sound of his alarm. At first he doesn't think anything of it and he stretches his arms above his head as he lets out a deep sigh of relief, but then he looks at his clock.

He's slept through his first class already and if he's not out the door in the next ten minutes, he'll be late to his next one.

"Shit!" he all but shouts as he quickly throws his covers off and starts running around trying to get himself ready for class.

Niall comes into the room when Liam's halfway through getting dressed, his shirt askew over his head as he's trying to gather his books into his bag at the same time. He chuckles as he walks over to Liam and helps him pull his shirt down before he settles on his own bed.

"Take a breath, mate."

"I can't, I'm so late," Liam babbles, "I must've slept through my alarm, I can't believe--"

"You didn't," Niall interrupts, "I turned it off."

"You… _what_?!"

"You needed the sleep, Li." Niall shakes his head. "You've been driving yourself mad and missing one class won't--"

"You can't do that!" Liam shouts. "What were you thinking?!"

"Liam, I--"

"You're not my mum!" Liam snaps, grabbing his half-full bag before he storms out of the room and slams the door behind him. He gets about halfway to his class before he starts to regret shouting at Niall, but he hasn't got the time to turn back and apologize and still make it to class on time.

He searches through his bag for his phone so he can send a quick apology text to Niall, but he can't find it anywhere. Cursing under his breath, Liam reasons that he must've left it behind in his rush.

"Of course," he mutters. "This day can't get any worse."

Liam takes a seat at the back of the lecture hall and puts his head down on the desk, too ashamed of his behavior towards Niall to even think about interacting with anyone else for the rest of the day. He only lifts his head up when the professor begins his lecture but even then Liam hardly pays attention, his mind is too preoccupied with how he's going to try and apologize to Niall.

He plays out several different scenarios in his head as the class continues, but each one ends in the same way: Niall leaves and doesn't come back.

It'd almost be funny if it weren't so sad: the one thing Liam's been truly afraid of this whole time may actually come to pass, and it's all his own fault.

Liam isn't even aware that the class has ended until he's snapped out of his own thoughts by someone saying his name and waving their hand in front of his face. Liam jumps and is startled all over again to see Harry standing next to him with a slightly nervous smile on her face.

"You okay?" she asks gently.

"I'm, um…" Liam clears his throat, "fine. M'fine."

"You ready to go?"

"Go?" he repeats as he looks around the lecture hall and sees that most everyone has already left.

"Yeah," Harry continues as Liam gathers up his things, "to my dormitory, remember? I texted you earlier and you said that you'd love to."

"I… did what?" Liam stares at her and Harry laughs nervously.

"You're a hard man to get a hold of," she says as she drops her eyes to the floor and tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear, "I was starting to think maybe you were avoiding me."

"No, I…" Liam pauses, unsure of what to say. He _has_ been avoiding her but he can't admit that to her… can he?

"But I just told myself, 'Harry, you've got to just go for it!'" She laughs again and looks back at Liam with a little shrug of her shoulders. "So I did. And I'm so happy you said yes."

"I…" Liam swallows harshly. He can't find it in his heart to tell her that he'd left his phone in his room and it was undoubtedly Niall who had answered her text. All the guilt from shouting at Niall earlier has melted away and been replaced with the same feeling of anger he'd felt from finding out Niall had shut off his alarm, but he can't put that on Harry. It just isn't her fault.

"You sure you're okay?" Harry asks as she gives Liam a concerned look.

"I'm fine," he answers before letting out a soft breath. "Let's go."

Harry smiles so brightly at him that Liam's heart aches just seeing it. Guilt starts seeping back into his chest and he feels awful all over again for having avoided her for the last few weeks, and he thinks that maybe he can get through this. Just maybe he can hang out with Harry like they're just normal friends and not let on how just the sound of her laugh can send his heart soaring into the clouds.

He can do this. He can.

The walk from the lecture hall to Harry's dormitory isn't very long, which Liam can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing. His mind is still reeling a bit from the whiplash of emotions he's experienced in the last two hours, and he's also desperately trying not to freak out over Harry hooking their arms together as they walk.

Harry's room is slightly smaller than the one that Liam and Niall share, but she doesn't have a roommate. Liam gulps when she shuts the door behind them and offers to take his coat, and he forces himself to smile as she sets his things aside and tugs him in the direction of her bed.

"It's not much, but it's comfy," she says with a smile as they sit down and she reaches across Liam to grab her laptop. "D'you want to watch a film?"

"Sure," Liam replies shakily.

"Any preferences?" she asks. "I haven't got Batman, so we'll have to save that for another day. Don't think I've forgotten." She winks at him and Liam smiles nervously back.

 _Get a grip_ , he tells himself. _You can do this_.

"I've got a few films on my hard drive, how about I just pick one at random and if you don't like it, we'll turn it off?"

"Sure," Liam repeats, quickly adding "sounds great."

Harry smiles again as she taps at her keyboard a few times before a movie pops up on the screen. She settles her laptop at the foot of the bed and sets it to fullscreen before she settles back on the bed next to Liam, leaving hardly any space between them.

"I'm glad you came over," she whispers after the film's been on for about ten minutes.

"Me too," Liam answers in the same sort of whisper. He's not entirely sure why they're whispering, nor does he recognize the name of the film they're watching, but he certainly likes the way Harry giggles like he's said something incredibly amusing.

"Thought I'd have to corner you after class one of these days," she goes on, still in a whisper.

"Harry?"

"Yes, Liam?"

"Why are we whispering?"

"I don't know," Harry says in her normal tone of voice before she bursts into laughter. Liam finds himself laughing along with her, but his chest immediately feels tight when she slips her arm under his own and gently takes his hand before lacing their fingers together.

He stares down at them for longer than he means to, his focus only broken when Harry lightly pokes her finger into his chest.

"You're cute," she decides, "d'you know that?"

"No, I'm not," Liam replies bashfully.

"You are," Harry says with a nod. "So very cute."

"Harry…" Liam lets out a nervous laugh and shivers when Harry traces her finger across his chest and slides her hand up to his neck.

"Liam," she says, her voice back down to a whisper as she slowly leans in to close the few inches between them and brush her lips against Liam's.

Liam freezes immediately, his heart feeling like it's pounding a thousand beats per second even after Harry pulls away. He can't even look at her with anything other than complete shock which makes him feel even worse when she starts apologizing.

"Have I got it all wrong?" She frowns. "I'm so sorry, Liam, I just thought…"

"No," he manages to say. "I just…"

"You just…?"

Liam stares at her helplessly. He doesn't know what to say, he barely knows what to _think_. He'd spent so much time and energy avoiding Harry because he was afraid of getting to close to her, of falling even harder for her than he already had and now here he was in her room, kissing her.

And even then, that was still only maybe a third of the real issue.

Although this has absolutely nothing to do with Niall and Liam's fairly cross with him at the moment, it doesn't block the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that he's being unfaithful. It's an entirely absurd feeling to be having considering Liam isn't actually dating either of them and he's more or less convinced that Niall will never, ever feel that way about him, but Liam can't help the way he feels.

He wonders if the tables were turned and if it was Niall not Harry that he was currently kissing, would he feel the same way? The sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach makes him think that he would… and that just complicates things even further.

"Liam?" Harry says softly as she starts leaning in again. "Tell me if I've got it wrong."

Liam stays silent as his eyes dart back and forth between looking into Harry's eyes and down at her lips, but he doesn't move a muscle to back away from her approach. He closes his eyes just before their lips touch and this time around he doesn't freeze.

Harry lets out a soft moan when Liam starts kissing her back, and she slowly maneuvers them until Liam's lying down on the bed and Harry carefully lays down next to him. He shivers under her touch as her hand slips under the hem of his shirt while his own hands lay more or less limp at his sides, too unsure of himself to make any moves.

"You can touch me," she murmurs against his lips as she shifts so her body is flush against his as she hooks her leg over his hip.

Liam whimpers into her mouth and his hands shake as he wraps his arms around her torso, pressing his hands against the small of her back. Harry grinds her hips against Liam just enough to make his mouth drop open in a moan, and she quickly takes advantage and slides her tongue into his mouth. Liam moans again as their kiss deepens and he starts to feel slightly frantic, his mind a jumble of thoughts too twisted to untangle.

Harry pulls back slightly and nips at his bottom lip, soothing it with her tongue as she smiles wickedly at him. Liam stares at her dumbly as she slips her hand out from under his shirt and gently grabs his wrist to pull his hand away from her back. He inhales sharply when she presses it against her chest, urging him to touch her with another soft moan.

"Like that," she groans and rocks against him again before she kisses him, turning it dirty immediately as Liam continues to touch her the way she wants him to.

They continue snogging for another few minutes before Harry grows restless again and straddles Liam's lap properly and sits up, pulling her lips away from Liam's with a smirk.

"Harry," Liam gasps as his hand falls to her waist. His lips are tingling from all the kissing and he feels hot all over, but it's nothing compared to what he feels when Harry starts taking off her shirt.

"Liam," she sing-songs as she tosses her shirt aside and leans back down to start kissing him again. He runs his hands along her bare sides and feels her shiver under his touch, and that's when it all goes wrong.

He freezes underneath her and at first she doesn't notice, but when she does she pulls back and gives him a curious look.

"You okay?" she asks breathlessly. Liam looks up at her, trying not to dwell on her breasts and the way her bra makes them look but instead on her face and somehow it's even worse. Her mouth is red and shiny from all the kissing and she looks unbelievably gorgeous, but he can't do this anymore.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles as he tries to push her off as gently as he can before he scrambles off the bed.

"Liam," she says, "did I--"

"I'm sorry," he interrupts, "I just… I have to go."

"Liam," she repeats as he grabs his coat and bag, "Liam, don't--"

"I'm sorry," he says a third time as he opens the door and runs out without so much as a glance back at her.

He runs all the way back to his dormitory, pushing himself harder and harder until it feels like his lungs are fit to burst. He only comes to a stop when he's in front of the doors, and even then it's only because if he continues on there's a good chance he'll pass out entirely.

Liam sits down on the bench nearby and holds his head in his hands to stop it feeling like it's spinning out of control as he tries to get his breathing back to normal.

How he went from avoiding two people he fancies to yelling at one and snogging the other - and having his first kiss, no less - he has no idea.

As the seconds pass and he stops heaving with every breath, the panic that took over while he was in Harry's room fades and it's replaced with the anger from before. As Liam's mind clears - as much as he'll allow it to - there's one thing he's certain of: this is Niall's fault.

*

Niall isn't in the room when Liam throws open the door, so he huffs angrily and slams it shut before dropping his bag to the floor and kicking it across the room. His foot connects with the corner of one of his books within his bag and the pain that blooms only adds to Liam's foul mood.

He sits down on his bed and sees his forgotten cell phone sitting on his desk, which further fuels his anger. The thread of texts between him and Harry is still open when he checks it, and sure enough he sees that Niall did text her.

**Hiii Liam :) what do you say to coming to mine after class today? x**

**Love to ! grab me after class :)**

"I can't believe this," Liam mutters under his breath as he puts his phone back on his desk with enough force that it clatters loudly and startles him.

He collapses onto his bed and rolls over to face the wall, crossing his arms as he continues to mutter to himself. His mood isn't improving at all, in fact it's getting worse the more time he spends alone.

He's left to stew in his own thoughts and blow everything out of proportion even more than he already has. He starts going over every little thing that's happened that day in his head, tallying up all the things that he's going to bring to Niall's attention and ream him out for. He's so cross that the fact that he's never really yelled at anyone in his life before doesn't even cross his mind.

Still, when Niall comes back to the room there's a moment where Liam falters. Niall enters through the door and smiles widely at Liam when he rolls over to look at him. Liam hesitates as the sight before him tugs at his heart and makes him think that maybe, just maybe, this isn't a big deal after all.

"Hiya!" Niall greets brightly. "How was class?"

Unfortunately, whatever was holding Liam back disappears immediately after Niall speaks and Liam can't help the grimace that forms across his features.

"How was class?" he repeats, sounding as though he can't possibly _believe_ that Niall's just asked him that. "You mean the class that I almost missed because you turned off my alarm?"

"Liam--"

"Y'know, not only was I almost late but I also left my phone behind because of you!"

"I know, but--"

"Oh, I know you know." Liam shakes his head. "D'you wanna know how I know? Because you texted Harry!"

"She texted you first! I was only--"

"You shouldn't have texted her back! You shouldn't have even touched my phone! What were you thinking, Niall?"

"I just--"

"You weren't thinking, were you?" Liam interrupts, too enraged to even consider letting Niall explain himself. "No, you just think you know best for everyone and I should be so lucky to have you answering my phone, don't you??"

"Liam," Niall laughs nervously, "that's not it at all, I just thought--"

"You should've left well enough alone!" Liam shouts. "D'you know how hard it's been to avoid Harry these past few weeks? Then you go and agree to something you had no business even knowing and make everything worse!"

"Liam… you…" Niall stares at him with concern and it's then that Liam realizes what he's blurted out by mistake. "You've been avoiding Harry? Why?"

"No reason," Liam says quickly as he turns his head to hide from Niall's eyes.

"Have you been avoiding me too?" Niall asks as he tries to step around Liam and get his attention back. "Is that why you've been spending so much time at the library?"

"No," Liam says, trying to sound firm even as his voice wavers.

"Liam," Niall says in a soft, sad tone. "Why would you do that?"

"I didn't, m'not avoiding you, I just--"

"But you are, you… I never see you anymore and when you are here, you barely look at me. I thought I was going mad or something, Liam." Niall sighs exasperatedly. "Would you just look at me?"

"Why do you even care?" Liam spits out as he turns to look at Niall. "You barely even know me, Niall, why do you care?!"

"How can you say that?" Niall frowns. "I do know you. Of course I care!"

"No, you don't." Liam shakes his head. "You can't."

"Why? Why can't I care, Liam?"

"Because no one ever cares about me!" Liam shouts. "Everyone always leaves, so stop pretending that you care about me and just go already!"

Niall looks absolutely stunned and neither say a word. Liam blinks away tears as Niall stays completely still and keeps staring at Liam like he can't actually believe the words he's just heard. Liam starts to fidget nervously, feeling so exposed from his spontaneous confession that all he wants to do is crawl into his bed and hide under his covers until Niall leaves.

"Is that what you think?" Niall asks softly, his voice cracking through the words. "That you're not good enough for anyone to care about you?"

"Why should they?" Liam says thickly. His throat feels tight, his chest aches, and his eyes are burning with the urge to cry. "I'm nothing special."

"Stop that," Niall says earnestly as he grabs Liam by the shoulders. "How many times do I have to tell you, you're brilliant?"

"You don't--"

"I mean it. If you need me to say it every day, I will. I'll say it until you believe it, even if it takes forever."

"Why?" Liam sniffles, still fighting the tears that are filling his eyes and blurring his vision.

"Because it's true." Niall squeezes his shoulders. "You're brilliant, Liam. Anyone who's ever said different is an idiot and an arsehole."

Liam can't hold back his sobs any longer and as he bursts into tears Niall pulls him close into a hug, holding onto him tightly as though he can squeeze out every bad thought Liam's ever had.

"I'm not going anywhere," Niall whispers into his ear. "You're not getting rid of me."

Liam clings to Niall and cries freely into his shoulder. He's overwhelmed by his emotions and some distant part of his mind wonders if the storm inside of him will ever calm or if he'll forever be swept up in the tide of it all. It seems as though every time he starts to deal with one small aspect of his problems, several more pop up in its place and he ends up worse off than before.

Even as Niall was promising never to leave him, Liam couldn't stop himself from thinking it's still only a matter of time.

Liam doesn't let go of Niall even as his tears subside, but Niall doesn't seem to mind at all. He hugs Liam just as tightly as he has been for the last few minutes and he tilts his head to the side and his nose brushes against Liam's cheek.

"Sorry," he murmurs with a quiet laugh when Liam shivers. He presses his lips against the spot his nose touched and Liam shuts his eyes for a moment.

"It's alright," he whispers.

Niall hums under his breath as they both pull back from each other just enough so they can turn their heads without knocking into one another. Liam's eyes drop to Niall's lips without meaning to and he can still feel the tingle on his cheek where he'd been kissed.

Liam darts his eyes back up to Niall's just in time to watch his eyes slowly close as he leans in towards Liam, gently touching their lips together. Liam's eyes flutter shut and he kisses Niall back, moaning softly against his mouth.

Niall is the first to pull away, startling Liam and sending him into a mild panic.

"I'm sorry," he blurts out, "I'm so sorry, Niall, I--"

"Liam," Niall says with a gentle laugh, "shut up."

"But…" Liam furrows his brow, confused as to why Niall pulled away but hasn't let go of him. Nothing makes sense in his head or in his heart; everything is a jumbled mess of feelings and Liam wants the room to stop spinning long enough for him to try and understand what's going on.

"Thought maybe, um," Niall chuckles, "a bed might be more comfortable?"

"Okay," Liam answers with a shaky laugh as they finally pull themselves out of each other's arms. Niall slips his hand into Liam's and pulls him the short distance between where they've been standing for the last few minutes and his bed while the two of them share soft smiles and nervous looks.

Niall sits down and scoots across the bed while still holding onto Liam's hand and once he's settled, he tugs Liam forward to do the same. Liam climbs onto Niall's bed and lays down next to him but keeps his body stiff and leaves quite a bit of space between them.

It lasts for all of ten seconds before Niall's closing the gap between them and kissing Liam again while trying to be as close to him as possible. Liam whimpers as Niall's hand slips into his hair and gives it an experimental tug. When he repeats the action Liam slides one of his hands around Niall's hip and squeezes in retaliation and Niall smiles against his mouth.

As they continue kissing, Liam can't help but compare the experience to kissing Harry just a few hours before. Niall's lips are slightly chapped where Harry's were smooth and slick from lipgloss, but Liam feels the same flutter in the pit of his stomach from kissing Niall as he did when he was kissing Harry.

Niall doesn't push to go any further than just kissing, Liam notices, but that wasn't really the issue with Harry anyway. With Harry, he felt guilty about having feelings for Niall and kissing her when he couldn't stop thinking about him. And now, the longer he goes on kissing Niall, the more guilt seeps into his mind and he can't stop thinking about Harry.

He pulls away from Niall to take several deep breaths in the hopes that it'll settle his nerves and ease his mind, and he can't tell if he's more relieved or upset that he feels just as guilty thinking about Harry while kissing Niall as he did vice versa.

"Hey," Niall whispers softly as he props himself up to look down at Liam, sliding his hand down from Liam's hair to gently touch his cheek. "I'm sorry."

Liam frowns. Of the two of them, Liam thinks he should be the one currently apologizing. "For what?"

"The phone thing, earlier." Niall shakes his head. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Oh," Liam replies. He swallows harshly and avoids Niall's eye as he tries to figure out the best way to tell him about what happened with Harry. He can't possibly go on like this; he can't kiss Niall and think about Harry and he can't possibly face Harry again without figuring out his feelings for Niall… which leaves him with quite the dilemma. He has to make a decision.

"What?" Liam's eyes snap back to Niall's and Niall laughs softly. "You look like your brain's about to explode."

"I… there's something I need to tell you," Liam whispers. He's honestly surprised he was even able to get those words out and has no idea how he's going to manage saying the rest.

"What is it?" Niall asks.

Liam hesitates, his mind still a jumble of mixed emotions and half-baked ideas about what to say. He doesn't feel like he can just come out and say that he fancies Harry just as much as he fancies Niall, because as understanding as Niall is how can he possibly be okay with that? Liam barely understands it himself and it's his own bloody feelings!

"I think I might know," Niall offers when a few minutes have passed and Liam still hasn't said anything.

"You do?"

"You're afraid, aren't you?" Niall frowns again. "You're afraid that you'll get too attached and I'll end up leaving you."

"That's not…" Liam closes his eyes and lets out a quiet breath. "Niall--"

"You said earlier that everyone always leaves you, Liam. Why?"

"It doesn't matter," Liam mumbles, "it's not important, I--"

"It is important," Niall insists. "I want to know why you think you're not good enough. Why you've tried to push me and Harry away." Liam winces at the mention of Harry's name but it doesn't deter Niall in the slightest. "What happened to make you think that nobody would want to be your friend?"

Liam sighs heavily and opens his eyes to look at Niall. It's not what he wanted to talk about, not at all, but it is the lesser of two evils in terms of what's going on inside Liam's head.

"Nobody's ever wanted to stick around," he ends up saying at long last.

Niall stays quiet and keeps giving Liam this pleading look that makes him feel rather squirmy, and he has a sneaking suspicion that Niall will keep looking at him like that until he explains himself further.

"When I was younger, I had this friend, Andy. I don't even remember how we met, our mums must've set us up or something. Everything was fine until we started school, and he started making other friends. I dunno why, but nobody ever talked to me apart from him.

"It didn't get bad until we were like, thirteen. Everyone's weird at that age but I was the weirdest, I guess. Everybody made fun of me. Nobody liked me. And Andy…" Liam sighs. "Andy didn't do anything about it."

"Liam…"

"It wasn't his fault," Liam rationalizes, "he tried, for a while. Kept inviting me to his birthday parties and stuff, but I knew better. I knew it was probably his mum's doing, maybe even my mum too. Wanted us to keep being friends so I'd be normal and not the weird kid with no friends that everyone at school already knew I was.

"I just… I thought it'd be easier if I didn't try again. Can't set myself up for disappointment that way, y'know? If everyone's gonna leave in the end, might as well stay on my own to begin with."

"Liam," Niall says again before he collapses on top of him and hugs him tightly. "Nobody deserves that, _you_ didn't deserve that."

"I'm alright now," Liam lies. It may not be the same situation, but Liam's never been less alright in his life.

"No, you're not." Niall lifts his head and presses a kiss to Liam's forehead. "But we'll get you there. You'll see."

Liam inhales shakily. "Why are you… you're so nice, and you've got a hundred other friends, why… _why_ me?"

"That's just it, Liam." Niall laughs. "Why _not_ you?"

"But…" Liam shakes his head, "all your other friends are better than me. They're funnier, cleverer--"

"Liam--"

"Like Louis! Louis is great and I'm sure you and he would--"

"Liam!" Niall interrupts loudly, clapping his hand over Liam's mouth to stop him from talking any further. "You're being ridiculous. Louis?" He shakes his head. "I don't fancy Louis. And even if I did, I'd have to compete with El!"

Even with Niall's hand still covering his mouth, Liam starts to frown. He knows Niall is just trying to make a point but even so, he can't help but wonder what Niall would say if Liam told him about Harry. Would he think that he has to compete for Liam's affection? That's not what he wants; he wants them both, not to have to choose between them.

Niall slowly pulls his hand away from Liam's mouth and gives him a smile before he leans down to press a kiss against his lips. Liam does his best to return it but he can't ignore the pang of guilt in his chest as he stares up at Niall.

"You gonna stop saying you're not good enough?" Niall asks with a breathy chuckle, "or am I going to have to keep convincing you that you are?"

Liam flushes and tries to turn his head to hide his face in Niall's pillow, making Niall crack up and tip forward to tuck his face into the crook of Liam's neck to get him to smile. Liam can't hold out for long and starts giggling along with him as he wraps his arms around Niall and hugs him tightly.

"You're too good to me," Liam mumbles. Niall pinches his side and he squawks as he tries to get away from Niall's hands in case he goes for another.

"Don't say that," Niall says with his mouth pressed against Liam's neck. "Or I'll have to pinch you again."

"No," Liam whines, "no more pinching."

"Fine," Niall says with a long breath, exhaling against the skin of Liam's neck and making him shiver. "Guess I'll just have to resort to biting instead."

Liam turns his head just enough to see Niall baring his teeth before he goes back for Liam's neck and he shouts as he tries to get away.

"Niall!"

*

There's a faint buzzing noise coming from the other side of the room when Liam wakes up from a nap he didn't intend to take. His eyes are fuzzy and his head feels all weird and foggy as he tries to remember how he'd managed to fall asleep, and the buzzing continues all the while. His mind clears enough to realize it's his phone buzzing on his desk but that doesn't mean that he actually wants to get up in order to answer it.

Niall is curled up next to him, one arm wrapped around Liam's torso and his face pressed down against the pillow next to Liam's head, and honestly the last thing Liam wants to do right now is disturb him. The buzzing eventually stops and for a moment Liam thinks it's done for good, he can go back to sleep and worry about his phone later.

Just as he settles back in and closes his eyes, the buzzing starts again.

"Bloody stupid phone," he mutters to himself as he carefully pulls himself out from under Niall's arm and out of the bed in order to snatch his phone from his desk.

He rubs his eyes as he leans back against the edge of his own bed and tries to silence his phone, but instead he accidentally accepts the call and scrambles for a moment to put it up to his ear.

"Liam?"

"Harry?" Liam blinks and frowns as he double-checks the caller ID. "What's going on?"

"I've been trying to reach you for ages," she says, and Liam immediately feels guilty all over again. It's only been a few hours since he ran out of her dormitory but the sting is still fresh enough that it might as well have happened only five minutes earlier.

"Harry, I…" Liam starts but Harry talks over him, a blur of apologies that's too much for Liam's sleep-addled brain to comprehend so soon after waking up.

Liam looks at Niall still fast asleep as he half-listens to Harry's rambling and his heart sinks within his chest. He knows what he's done is wrong and he needs to come clean before he truly hurts either Harry or Niall or even both. For all he knows, he's going to hurt them in a matter of hours and be left with no friends all over again.

"I'm sorry, Harry," he blurts out, and Harry sighs softly on the other end of the phone.

"Can we talk? Like, in person?"

"Yeah," Liam replies quietly, "I think that'd be best."

"What're you doing like, now?"

"N-Now?"

"I'm outside your dormitory," Harry says with a slight laugh.

"You're…" Liam leans over his desk to look out the window and sure enough, several floors down he can see Harry pacing by the main doors. "Oh, umm, okay?"

"What room are you in?" she asks as she disappears from Liam's sight.

"406, but Harry--"

"I'll be up in a minute," she says before the line goes dead and Liam's left with nothing to do but panic.

There's really nothing for him to do in terms of tidying up the room, but that's not the trouble that's plaguing his mind anyway. He looks at Niall again and wonders what the lesser of two evils would be: to leave Niall and take Harry away from their room or to let Harry into their room and hash everything out with both of them at once?

He still hasn't quite decided which is better when he crosses the room and gently shakes Niall to wake him up, thinking he'll make up his mind when Niall wakes up properly.

"Niall," he says. "Niall, wake up."

Niall doesn't open his eyes but he grunts softly and his hands close around Liam's wrists to pull him back onto the bed for a cuddle, putting them in a rather uncompromising position with Liam half on top of him.

"Niall…" Liam tries again just as a soft knock sounds against their door. Not even five seconds later the door handle turns and Harry comes in to truly make this Liam's worst nightmare.

"Liam," she says with a smile that falters the moment she realizes that Liam's more or less lying on top of Niall. "Oh...I'm sorry, I thought..."

"Don't go," Liam says quickly as Harry turns her face towards the hallway as she's still standing in the doorway with one foot in the room. She slowly looks back at him and he whispers, "please."

She nods and steps fully into the room, closing the door behind her just as Niall stirs and starts to yawn and stretch.

"Liam, I..." he starts, but he pauses when he realizes they're not alone in the room and says, "Harry?" He rubs his eyes and chuckles softly. "Am I still dreaming?"

"Niall--"

"Hang on, Liam, has she said something like 'I know what you want'?"

Harry cracks a smile and giggles softly, meanwhile Liam turns bright red and covers his eyes with one hand.

"Fuck, Niall--"

"No, I don't get involved yet, Liam," Niall continues, "first you--"

"Niall!" Liam interrupts and quickly covers his mouth. "I'm so sorry," he says to Harry, but when he turns his head to look at her he realizes she's got her hands covering her mouth as she desperately tries not to laugh.

Niall pulls Liam's hand away from his mouth and shifts so he can sit up properly, pushing Liam off to the side so they're sitting next to each other instead of lying down.

"What brings you here, Harry?" Niall asks as he waves her over to the bed.

"I, umm, came to talk to Liam," she answers hesitantly as she climbs onto the bed and sits on Liam's other side.

"Popular man, eh?" Niall says with a smirk as he playfully elbows Liam's ribs. "Should I step out for a bit?"

"No," Liam says quickly. Both Niall and Harry give him strange looks and he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "There's something I need to tell you both."

"What is it, Liam?" Harry asks.

"Is everything alright?" Niall lays his hand on Liam's knee and Liam takes another breath, this one far shakier than before as he tries to mentally prepare for what he's about to say.

In the end it doesn't matter because all the words still come out in a rush that he's positive makes no sense to anyone at all.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but I like you both so much and I kissed Harry earlier today and then I kissed Niall and I don't know what to do because I like you both but that's not how things are supposed to go and I know that but I'm scared that you'll both hate me if I don't tell you and keep kissing you both but please don't hate me because I don't know what I'd do if either of you hated me; I just want you both, please don't make me choose!"

In a flash he imagines their reactions: Harry says "you kissed Niall?" at the same time that Niall asks "you kissed Harry?" and when they both stare at him all Liam can offer is a nod in return, and it's just not enough. They don't understand, they're angry, and they leave. That's the only way Liam can see this going.

But in reality, that's not what happens.

"Is that what you were really upset about earlier?" Niall asks. When Liam nods, Harry is quick to move closer to him and take one of his hands in her own.

"You were upset? Oh, Liam…"

"I'm sorry," Liam whispers, "I didn't know what to do. I just like you both so much."

Liam looks down at his lap and frowns, still expecting the two of them to leave any second now. Harry keeps one hand on his, squeezing it tightly as she lifts her other to gently run her fingers through Liam's hair to comfort him. Niall takes Liam's other hand and laces their fingers together while keeping his other hand firmly planted on Liam's knee.

"I think it's quite obvious that I fancy you back," Harry says with a soft laugh. "And Niall, well…"

Liam chances a look at Harry and sees the blush in her cheeks when she looks at Niall, and he turns his head to see the very same color spread across Niall's when he stares back at her.

"Safe to say I fancy him as well," she adds, biting her bottom lip to try and contain her smile.

"This is better than any dream I've ever had," Niall says with a laugh, "because it's actually happening."

"This can't be happening," Liam mumbles. Both Harry and Niall look at him with identical frowns and in his mind Liam thinks, _this is it_. This is where it all goes sour.

"What do you mean?" Harry asks.

"You both can't possibly fancy me and each other, that's just not how it works."

"Hang on," Niall shakes his head, "how come you can fancy us two but we can't?"

"B-Because," Liam starts to get flustered. "That's just… It doesn't make sense!"

"Why not?" Harry presses.

"Why would you want me when you could just have each other?" Liam says without meaning to, even though it's been circling his head for the last five minutes, and it earns him a good hard pinch from Niall.

"Thought I told you to stop thinking you're not good enough for anyone," Niall says crossly.

"Why wouldn't we want you?" Harry insists gently starts running her fingers through Liam's hair again. "You're sweet and thoughtful and absolutely lovely, anyone would be lucky to have you."

"See?" Niall says as he squeezes Liam's knee. "Told you."

"If I'm being honest…" Harry laughs softly. "I sort of wondered if you two were together, after you ran out on me."

"I'm sorry," Liam mumbles sadly.

"Don't be sorry," Harry insists with a sly smile. "I just hope next time I take my shirt off you don't go running for the hills."

"You did _what_?" Niall asks, giving both of them an incredulous look.

"I didn't--" Liam groans, "it doesn't matter, it's not going to work."

"Why not?" Niall demands.

"You two haven't… How can you…" Liam trails off. He can't bring himself to verbalize his thoughts properly. He just doesn't know how to say that this is all going to end terribly because eventually they'll realize they just don't need him.

"Haven't what?" Harry asks. "Haven't done this?"

Between one breath and the next, Harry takes her hand away from Liam's hair and leans over him as she grabs Niall's shirt and pulls him into a kiss. Liam's heart stops when it happens, but it starts beating wildly as he watches them snog for about thirty seconds. By the time Harry pulls back and gives him a grin, Liam's impossibly aroused.

"That answer your question?"

"Not quite yet," Niall says as he tries to pull Harry back to him, but she pushes him away with a laugh.

"Down, boy," she whispers as she winks at Niall. As she looks at Liam again she settles herself by his side so they're pressed closely together and she can lay her head on his shoulder.

Niall follows suit on Liam's other side and it does absolutely nothing to soothe the pounding of Liam's heart.

"What d'you say now, Liam?" Harry asks softly.

"This is mad," he whispers back.

"Mad in a good way," Niall says with a low chuckle as he starts running his fingers along the inner seam of Liam's jeans.

"Relationships don't work like this, though." Liam shakes his head. "Not with three people."

"Why not?" Harry asks at the same time as Niall says, "ours could."

"But…" Liam whimpers.

He's absolutely terrified. He's quite sure there's nothing in the whole world that he wants as much as he wants this right now, but he just can't shake the fear that it's all going to fall apart. He's never heard of anyone being in a relationship like this before and he expects that the reason behind that is because it just doesn't work.

"Liam, is this what you want?" Harry asks gently but directly. "Do you want to be with both of us?"

"Yes," he replies as he gives her a desperate look, "more than anything, but--"

Harry cuts him off by pressing their lips together and she smiles at him as he pulls away.

"Stop worrying," she whispers. Liam groans softly and Niall leans in to kiss his neck while Harry gives him another kiss on the lips.

"But…" he tries again when she pulls back, but this time Niall turns his face and takes his turn kissing Liam.

"We'll make it work," Niall promises.

"I have to say," Harry starts as she rests her cheek against Liam's shoulder, "I quite like the idea of being in the middle between you two. Or any one of us in the middle, really."

"So do I," Niall remarks. Liam's cheeks turn a deep shade of red and he jumps when suddenly Harry slips her hand across his lap.

"Seems like you do too," she whispers with a giggle as she cups her hand around where Liam's grown hard and he's unable to stifle the moan that comes out of his mouth.

"Harry," he breathes out between quick pants and she smiles against his shoulder.

"Think we'll start with Liam in the middle," she goes on as she keeps her hand right where it is, pressing a little harder to get Liam to gasp again. "What do you think, Niall?"

"I think," Niall says before he nips at Liam's bottom lip, kissing him once more before he continues, "that sounds like the best idea I've heard in a while."

"But…" Liam grunts as Niall and Harry maneuver him until all three of them are lying down on the bed. It was a bit of a tight fit before with just Niall and Liam but now that Harry's in the mix, Liam isn't sure how they're going to manage.

As it turns out, they're going to manage by both Niall and Harry half-lying on top of Liam.

"Someone's going to fall," Liam tries to say, although he's interrupted several times by Harry and Niall taking turns kissing him on the mouth.

"I can fix that," Harry says with a wicked smile as she straddles Liam and Niall helps to push the two of them closer to the wall before he re-situates himself to be pressed up against both of them. "See?" Harry grins widely as she curls her fingers into the collar of Niall's shirt and pulls him into a kiss.

Liam leans over as best he can to start kissing Niall's neck; he feels like he has to keep his mouth occupied otherwise who knows what will come out of it if he continues to watch Harry and Niall kiss. His entire body feels keyed up, the places where he's touching both of them respectively are electrified to the point where he doesn't remember what it feels like to not have them this close.

His whole body shivers when Harry's lips suddenly attach to his neck and he hears Niall moan his name softly before his mouth is occupied by Niall's own, kissing him with everything he's got. Liam's grip on Harry's waist tightens and he can feel Harry's smile against his neck for a moment and then she pulls away, leaving his skin bare other than a red mark left from her lips.

It's not until Niall pulls away from him that he realizes that Harry's just been watching the two of them, making his cheeks burn with embarrassment.

"Don't stop on my account," she murmurs with a grin.

"Cheeky," Niall replies as he slips his arm across Liam and around Harry's waist, pressing his arm against Liam's as they both hold onto her. Harry giggles and lays her head down on Liam's chest, her laughter fading into a satisfied hum while Liam closes his eyes and focuses on his unsteady breathing.

Even after coming clean to the two of them Liam's mind was still a jumble of feelings that he didn't quite know how to deal with. His heart was still racing with joy from seemingly getting exactly what he wanted, but his mind couldn't quite let him reap all the benefits of it. As long as there were underlying doubts deep in the corners of his thoughts, waiting their turn to be discovered and ruin his chances at happiness, Liam couldn't be sure that everything was going to be okay.

"Hey," Niall whispers, breaking Liam out of his thoughts as he rubs his nose against Liam's cheek. "You good?"

Liam lets out a nervous breath and tries to nod, his throat suddenly feeling all choked up. "Y-Yeah."

"You sure?"

"It's just… a lot," he mumbles, "dunno if it's really, um, hit me… yet. Y'know?"

"It is a bit mad, innit?" Harry laughs. "But in a good way."

"Yeah but, you're okay, right?" Niall presses. "Not still worried about the three of us?"

Liam bites his lip nervously as he replies with a "no" that sounds less like a statement and more like a question which causes Niall to frown.

"Remember what I told you earlier?" he asks.

"Umm… maybe?"

"I told you I'm not going anywhere, and I meant it." Niall kisses Liam's nose and they both smile. "I'd be willing to bet that Harry would mean it too."

"Oh, absolutely." Harry nods as she smiles down at the two of them. "How can I even _think_ about leaving without seeing Liam's abs?"

"Harry!" Liam groans while Niall cackles loudly.

"I'm just saying," she continues, "if they're as lovely as Niall says then I'm definitely not going anywhere."

Liam tries to hide his bright red face in the pillows but with Harry on top of him and Niall pressed to his side, it's absolutely impossible. He's certain he's never going to stop blushing, especially not if both Harry and Niall keep kissing him the way they do.

"But really," Harry says with a warm smile, "no more running off, yeah? The key to this is going to be total honesty between the three of us, which means you can't _hide_ from us, Liam."

Liam yelps when Harry pokes his chest and he retaliates by pinching her side while Niall just watches with a grin.

"Alright, alright!" Liam huffs. "No hiding. Promise."

"Excellent," Niall says as he gives Harry and Liam both a kiss on the cheek. "Now I don't know about you two, but I'm feeling a bit peckish…"

*

After spending days avoiding both Niall and Harry, it's a drastic change for Liam to suddenly have them around all the time. On one hand, it means that Liam doesn't spend ages wondering if the two of them had just been placating him that day and didn't actually share his feelings because he's constantly bombarded with kisses and hugs and… well, other things. But on the other, Liam has no prior experience in being in any form of a serious relationship which does not lend well to his tendency towards anxiety.

While he's doing his best not to freak out on a regular basis and stay honest with both Harry and Niall, it doesn't mean that he doesn't have a small sense of panic growing consistently in the back of his mind. But as long as it's not the only thing on his mind, Liam figures it'll all be okay. He's going to hold on to the fragile hope that he won't ruin things for as long as he can.

It all goes well… for about two weeks. Then he runs into Louis and it all goes to hell.

Liam's alone for the first time all day, if only because both Niall and Harry are currently in class. He's gone down to the mail room in the basement of the dormitory and is expecting the trip to take no more than a few minutes, leaving him plenty of time to return to his room and get a bit of revising done.

He doesn't expect to be blindsided by the mail he finds waiting for him, a letter from his mum with a copy of an invitation she received from the university. He frowns as he scans the letter quickly, double-checking that his mum meant to send this to him and wondering why she didn't just call when one sentence in particular leaps out from all the rest.

_Can't wait to see you (and meet your friends) during Parents Weekend!_

"Oh, fuck."

"Liam!" He jumps and spins around to see Louis standing behind him with a smirk. "Didn't know you had such a mouth on you."

"Sorry," Liam says automatically and Louis laughs.

"Don't apologize, mate. Didn't know a lot about you, apparently." He steps closer to Liam and nudges him with his elbow. "Heard you've had an eventful couple of weeks."

"I…" Liam turns bright red and he loses his hold on his mum's letter, sending it scattering to the floor and adding even more to his embarrassment. "Shit, I--"

"No worries," Louis says as he quickly leans down to scoop up the letter. "Ah, look at that," he says as he glances at the invitation to Parents Weekend, "forgot this was coming up."

"You knew about this?" Liam asks.

"'Course! They do it every year." Louis hands Liam back his letter and laughs fondly. "My mum is insisting on coming even though I've begged her not to."

"Really?"

"Oh god, you should've seen her last year: I casually mentioned that I was maybe sort of _perhaps_ seeing a girl - big mistake, obviously - and the _second_ she got here for Parents Weekend it immediately turned into 48 hours of my mum practically interrogating poor El! We'd barely even started going out!"

He laughs at the memory but for Liam, it's the tipping point of his diving headfirst into a pool of complete panic.

"Anyway," Louis continues, oblivious to the fact that Liam is having an internal meltdown, "your folks coming for it, then?"

"Seems like it," Liam squeaks, forcing a smile when Louis looks at him.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure you'll be fine. Me, on the other hand? I've got to deal with my mum _and_ El's folks this year." He laughs. "What a weekend that'll be."

"Uh-huh." Liam nods several times in a row, and he starts to worry that he's being _too_ cordial when Louis suddenly gives him a strange look.

"You alright?" he asks, making Liam laugh nervously.

"Fine!"

"Yeah, you seem fine." Louis shakes his head. "I'll leave you to it, then."

Liam barely squeaks out a goodbye as Louis steps away to check his own mail. He walks back to the elevator and rides up to his floor in a daze, his body on autopilot as his mind tilts into a downward spiral of madness.

The room is still empty when Liam lets himself in and he immediately crawls into his own bed and curls up facing the wall, foregoing the rest of his revising in favor of losing himself inside his own panic. A tiny voice in the back of his mind tries to tell him that it's not as big of a deal as he's making it out to be but there isn't a chance in hell Liam's going to believe that. If there's one thing he's good at it's preparing for the worst, and there's no way he's going to assume anything different than his entire world to come crashing down around him if he tries to explain to his parents that not only is he dating two people, but one of them is a _boy_.

He's only just barely managed to come to terms with the fact that a relationship with three people can work, but he hadn't even begun to think about trying to explain it to his mum and dad. The cringeworthy discussion of the birds and the bees with his dad was enough to put him off the topic for life and he's certainly not keen on being asked all sorts of questions about what he is or isn't doing with both a girl and a boy.

He, Niall, and Harry haven't even talked about having proper sex yet - Liam blushes madly every time he even _thinks_ about it, there's no way he's ready for the discussion let alone the actual act.

Liam's worked himself into a right state by the time Niall comes back from class, dreading the moment Niall opens the door. The fact that Niall's brought Harry with him just adds to Liam's hysteria because now he's got to own up to his freak out to both of them. The smiles on their faces that were there when they opened the door disappear when they see the look in Liam's eyes and they quickly drop everything to focus on him.

"Liam, what's wrong?" Harry asks as she immediately climbs onto his bed and draws him into her arms.

"My mum and dad…" Liam chokes out. Niall sits down behind him and wraps his arms around him so that he and Harry are both holding him tightly.

"Has something happened?" Niall asks. "Are they alright?"

"No, no, they're fine," Liam sniffles and breathes deeply, "they're just…"

"They're what?" Harry asks gently.

"They're coming here." Liam curls one arm around Harry's torso and grips Niall's arm with his other hand. "What am I going to do?"

"What d'you mean?" Niall asks as he presses a soft kiss against Liam's cheek.

"What am I… how do I explain…" Liam huffs and tries to hide his face against Harry's shoulder. "They want to meet my friends," he whispers into her collarbone.

He feels Harry shake a little and he has to look up at her to realize that she's laughing. He frowns at her and her face softens as she looks back down at him.

"M'not laughing at you, love, but… is that it?"

"Harry," Niall says in a disapproving tone.

"No, m'serious. Do you not want us to meet your mum and dad?"

"No, I do, it's just…"

"You're worried about what they're going to say about our relationship, yeah?"

Liam looks away from Harry's face as he nods silently and she sighs.

"When are they coming?"

"Next weekend," he mumbles. "Parents Weekend, apparently."

"Oh, yeah." Niall chuckles as he resituates himself so he's half-sprawled across Liam's lap and looking up at the pair of them with a broad smile. "Talked me da out of coming to that yesterday."

"You knew?" Liam asks with a frown. "I didn't know, how come I didn't know?"

"I didn't know either," Niall replies. “He got a thing in the mail last week, told me about it when I called him."

"My mum will probably come," Harry says as she lightly scratches her fingers against Liam's scalp, "but she already knows about you two so that's--"

"She knows?" Liam gapes at Harry and she rolls her eyes.

"Of course she does. Unlike _some_ people, I talk to my mum every day."

"Mummy's girl," Niall teases as he reaches up and pokes Harry in the stomach. She giggles and swats Niall's hand away, tapping his nose and pulling her hand back before he can grab it.

"Shush, we're talking about Liam's parents now." Harry focuses on Liam and he reluctantly makes eye contact with her. "Are you worried they won't approve?"

"I don't think they'll understand, more like." Liam shrugs. "Some days _I_ still don't understand."

"That's the fun of it, innit?" Niall says as he plays with Liam's hand. He brings it up to his mouth and kisses Liam's knuckles. "Never a dull moment with you two."

"Yeah, but my mum and dad aren't like yours. They were worried I wouldn't make friends at all. I think their heads might explode when they find out…"

Harry hums softly. "Is it more the fact that you're dating two people or that one of them is a boy?"

Liam looks down at Niall and hates the way his bottom lip wobbles with the urge to cry. He doesn't want Niall to think that he's at war with himself over liking a boy or that his parents are homophobic - because that's _not_ the case, as far as he knows - but like most things related to a relationship, he has no idea.

"Is that it, Liam?" Niall asks. "It's alright, y'know. Me da wasn't exactly… happy, when I told him that I liked blokes as well as lasses."

"He wasn't?"

"I think it's a lot for any parent, y'know?" Niall shrugs and holds onto Liam's hand a bit tighter. "They want what's best for their kid, no matter what. It's rough when they don't know how to relate or give advice when all they want to do is understand."

"Listen to you," Harry says fondly as she ruffles Niall's hair. "That introductory psychology course is doing wonders for you."

"Shut up," Niall replies as he catches Harry's hand and kisses her palm. "I'm trying to be supportive, here."

"And you're doing a lovely job." Harry smiles. "And he's right, you know," she says as she nudges Liam's cheek with her nose. "Parents just want what's best for you. If it makes you happy, they'll understand."

Liam stays silent for a moment before he gathers up the courage to ask, "What about your mum? What'd she say about all of this?"

"She didn't believe me at first," Harry replies with a laugh. "Thought I was playing a joke on her or something, when I told her I had two boyfriends."

"Bet she thought we didn't know about each other," Niall joins in with a similar laugh.

"God," Harry laughs harder, "you should've heard her when I told her you two were roommates. 'Roommates, Harry, really? How are you going to manage that?' It was awful!"

"But now? Does she understand?" Liam presses.

"For the most part," Harry answers carefully. "I don't think anyone outside of us three will ever properly understand. All anyone else can do is just accept it best they can and try not to judge."

Liam stays silent as Harry's words sink into his mind and he stares at her with a sort of wonder. Neither of them say anything for a few moments and Harry starts to blush as though she's afraid she's said something embarrassing but her smile never falters, even when she mumbles _what're you staring at_ under her breath.

"You're amazing," Liam says and Harry laughs in response, tilting her head to hide her face against his shoulder.

"He's right," Niall adds, "we've got ourselves a smart girlfriend, haven't we, Liam?"

"Definitely," Liam agrees.

"Well, if that's the case," Harry says as she lifts her head and smiles at both of them, "then I've got myself two--" she pauses to kiss Liam on the cheek, "very--" she leans down and kisses Niall's forehead, "sweet--" another kiss to Liam, "boyfriends." She gives Niall another kiss and beams, and both Niall and Liam smile in return.

"It's gonna be alright, isn't it?" Liam asks softly a few minutes later. "With my mum and dad, I mean."

"No matter what, you're still their son and they love you," Harry promises.

"And they're gonna love me, so I don't know what you're so worried about," Niall says proudly as he aims a smirk up at Harry, "now this one, on the other hand…"

"The next words out of your mouth had better be, 'they'll adore her', or no more kisses for you, Mr. Horan."

"You took the words right out of my mouth, love."

Harry leans down to tickle Niall, sending the both of them into fits of giggles while Liam sits quietly by and watches the pair. It would seem that the crisis has been averted for the time being, at least on the outside. Inside Liam's head is an entirely different story.

He still can't shake the feeling that everything's going to go up in flames, no matter how many times Niall and Harry tell him it won't. He's worried that he's always going to be waiting around for the moment where something goes wrong and what that means for the future of their relationship.

As much as he likes the both of them and wants to be with both of them, Liam can't seem to escape his fears. He wishes he could be more relaxed and just not worry about everything all the time, but that's just the way he is.

Liam doesn't realize the other two have stopped messing about and are giving him the same curious look until Niall reaches out and pokes him in the stomach.

"Think we lost you for a moment, there."

Liam laughs nervously and puts on a smile, "nah, I'm alright."

"You sure?" Harry asks and Liam nods quickly.

"Yeah, never better."

In the back of his mind Liam remembers how Harry said the key to their relationship working was complete honesty and he hates that he's already lying after only a few weeks, but he just doesn't know what else to do.

*

It takes far longer than Liam would have liked to get a moment alone but he couldn't possibly call his mum in front of either Niall or Harry, not when he's about to beg her not to come to Parents Weekend.

"No, Mum, it's not that I don't want to see you," Liam explains desperately, feeling even more awful than he did before now that he's actually on the phone with her, "I just don't want you and Dad wasting money when--"

"Liam James, what makes you think that we'd be _wasting_ money if we come visit?" she demands.

"No, I didn't--" Liam sighs heavily. "I didn't mean it like that, Mum, I just--"

"We miss you, Liam," she says, and Liam can hear the tears coming even if she hasn't started crying just yet, "it's been so long since I've seen my baby boy..."

" _Mum_ …"

"And I just don't understand why you don't want us to come and see how well you're doing…"

"I've just got a lot of work to do, I dunno how much time I'd be able to spend with you," Liam tries, adding another lie to the pile and increasing his guilt tenfold.

"Surely you can take one day off, can't you?"

Liam whines softly before he takes an entirely different route and asks, "Mum, could you put Dad on?"

"Oh, alright. Here's your father."

Liam winces at the put out sound of his mum's voice but he knows there's no way he's going to convince her not to come so he's got to try and ask his dad instead. He's relying on his dad's reluctance to leave Wolverhampton to win them both over, but he doesn't know if it's going to work.

"Hi Dad."

"Liam," his dad clears his throat and Liam can hear his mum in the background, "what've you done to your mother and why is she saying you don't want us to come down?"

" _Dad_ ," Liam huffs, "I've just got a lot of work to do for uni and I don't want you to come down if I can't spend a lot of time with you."

"Oh," he replies thoughtfully, "s'pose that makes sense. No, Karen, it does, shush!"

"Dad, Mum, please!"

"I'm worried about you, Liam," his mum says, obviously having stolen the phone away from his dad, "you're not overworking yourself, are you?"

"No, Mum, I promise I'm fine. I just have a lot of revising, is all."

"Alright," she says with a soft sigh and Liam's heart sinks.

"Christmas isn't that far, Mum. I'll be home before you know it, promise."

"Oh, I know." She sighs again and Liam tries not to let it get to him any more than it already is. "We'd best let you get back to your revising, I don't want you falling behind, love."

"Thanks, Mum. Love you, tell Dad I love him as well."

"Of course, love you."

When the line goes dead Liam sinks down onto his bed and sighs deeply, feeling even worse than he had before the phone call started. He thought talking his mum and dad out of coming to Parents Weekend would make him feel _better_ , not worse.

He busies himself with reading until Niall comes back from class and climbs onto Liam's bed without saying a word and sighs happily when he's successfully sprawled across Liam.

"Comfortable?" Liam asks, trying to hide a smile when Niall looks up at him.

"Very. How was your day?"

"Alright," Liam lets out a sigh as he puts his book down, "talked to my mum and dad."

"Oh yeah? They excited for Parents Weekend?" Niall asks.

"They're not coming," Liam says quickly, as though he's ripping off a plaster. Before Niall can ask anything further, he continues, "Dad didn't realize how far it was and he's got work and stuff, so I told them it was okay if they didn't come."

"Oh Liam, I'm sorry." Niall frowns. "Harry and I were looking forward to meeting them."

"You two were looking forward to embarrassing me," Liam replies and Niall huffs as he wraps his arms around Liam and squeezes.

"I'd never. Harry, on the other hand…"

*

When Liam wakes up Saturday morning, Niall's bed is empty. He thinks it's a bit weird and he texts Niall to find out where he is, but Niall doesn't answer. Liam decides to go to the gym to take his mind off why Niall's not answering, hoping that Niall will be back by the time he's done with the gym.

What he doesn't expect is to see when he returns is Niall and Harry outside of the dormitory with his mum and dad.

Harry's the first to spot him and she waves wildly, beckoning him over with a large smile as she pats Liam's mum's arm to get her attention. They all turn in Liam's direction and look positively ecstatic to see him, and Liam's heart stops dead in his chest.

A hundred questions are running through his mind all at once and all he can do is stare blankly at the four smiling faces in front of him. He has no idea how this happened, how Niall and Harry got in contact with his parents. The familiar anger from the time Niall texted Harry from Liam's phone resurfaces and Liam has to fight to keep it from showing on his face; he can't possibly shout at the two of them in front of his own parents.

Niall's the first to shuffle over, presumably the messenger of the group sent to bring Liam to the others, and he hooks his arm through Liam's in an effort to do just that but Liam's feet remain glued to their spots on the pavement below.

"Liam, what--"

"What are my parents doing here?" he demands in a quick, harsh tone while trying to keep a straight face for the sake of his parents.

"I thought you'd be pleased," Niall replies, his smile fading into a frown.

"I told you they weren't coming."

"You said your dad thought it was too far, but when I called he said--"

"You did _what_?"

"I called them, I thought…" Niall lets out an uneasy laugh, "I thought you'd be happy to see them."

"You had no right to do that, Niall. They're _my_ parents."

"Yeah, and they came all this way to see _you_."

"I can't believe you did this again," Liam says as he shakes his head. "You went behind my back _again_ , Niall!"

"I thought you'd be happy!" Niall repeats loudly. He crosses his arms and sighs heavily. "Look, I'm sorry for going behind your back but d'you know what they said when I called? They said you told them not to come because you had too much revising."

"Niall--"

"I know that was a fucking lie so what's the real reason you didn't want them to come?"

"It doesn't matter--

"It does matter!" Niall half-shouts, barely catching himself before he fully loses his temper. Harry joins them, a slightly worried smile on her face as she turns the pair around so their backs are to Liam's parents.

"What's going on here?" she asks, her smile changing to determinedly cheery so as to not worry Liam's parents even further. "Why haven't you come over to say hello?"

"Liam's ashamed of us," Niall replies simply and Harry's face drops.

"I didn't say that!" Liam whispers harshly at the same time Harry says, "Liam, is that true?"

Liam lets out a sigh and hangs his head, scrubbing his hands across his face in frustration as he tries to get a handle on his thoughts. He never expected it to come to this.

"I'm not ashamed of you," he says carefully, "I just…"

"You just lied to your parents to get them to not come this weekend," Niall snaps. Liam winces, he's never heard Niall speak like this before. He can't bring himself to look at either of them, fearing the anger in Niall's eyes and the sadness in Harry's.

"I was scared," Liam mumbles, "fuck, I'm still scared. I'm absolutely terrified!"

"But we talked about this," Harry starts, there's a slight wobble in her voice that makes Liam's chest ache, "I thought we fixed it."

"I--"

"We said we'd be honest with each other," Niall interrupts, "but you lied, Liam. You lied to your parents, you lied to us, and… I don't understand."

"I can explain, Niall, I can." Liam groans softly. "If you'd just let me--"

"No," Niall mutters as he shakes his head, "you'll just lie again and I can't-- I don't want to hear it."

"Niall," Liam pleads, reaching for his arm but Niall pulls away and steps back from him. "Niall, don't."

Niall doesn't say another word, he just shakes his head again as he turns on his heel and walks away. Liam calls after him but Niall doesn't stop and he doesn't turn around.

"Harry," Liam starts, but his voice gives out when he sees the tears in her eyes.

"Why did you lie, Liam?" she asks, her voice breaking halfway through her question.

"Harry, I didn't…"

She shakes her head and stifles a sob, putting her hands up when Liam tries to embrace her. It's a matter of seconds between then and when she turns and takes off after Niall, but to Liam it feels like absolute ages as he watches two of the most important people in his life walk away.

He almost forgets that his parents are standing nearby watching the whole thing, until suddenly there's a hand on his shoulder and he jumps.

"Everything alright?" his dad asks as his mum hugs him tightly.

"It's… um," Liam exhales sharply and wraps his arms around both his mum and dad, clinging to them as he whispers, "no, it's not."

"Oh, love," his mum coos as she hugs him even tighter. "What's happened?"

"Can we go inside?" Liam asks with a shaky breath. "I'd rather not… I want to go inside."

"Of course, lead the way, sweetheart."

Liam doesn't let either of his parents go too far as he leads them inside, he even leans his head down onto his mum's shoulder when they're in the elevator and she gently runs her hands through his hair. He doesn't mind her fussing now.

It hurts more than it should to just _look_ at Niall's side of the room when they get there, so Liam immediately turns his back to it and tries not to start crying on the spot. He offers his bed for his parents to sit down on and his mum obliges but his dad stands near the door which only serves to make Liam more nervous about the conversation they're about to have.

He paces back and forth a little as he tries to figure out a way to approach the subject, blurting out "I've been dating a boy and a girl" doesn't seem to be a good way to start.

"Your friends seemed so lovely," his mum says, "shame they had to run off, I thought they'd stick around."

"So did I," Liam mutters under his breath as he tries to ignore the pain in his chest.

"Why did they run off?" his dad asks. "Seemed a bit fishy, if you ask me."

"It was my fault," Liam replies, surprising himself with the admission as much as he surprises his parents. "They left because of me."

"What d'you mean, because of you?" His mum frowns and Liam takes a deep breath. Just as he's about to start explaining, there's a knock at the door.

For a split second, Liam's heart leaps at the thought that it could be Niall and Harry. Maybe they've come back to forgive him and this whole mess will be sorted.

Needless to say, Liam's surprised to see Louis on the other side of the door.

"Liam!" he greets brightly. "Niall around?"

"No," Liam replies, just barely able to keep his disappointment out of his voice.

"Oh." Louis frowns. "Wouldn't happen to know where he is, would you? I would've thought he'd been here with you, what with the way you two have been attached at the hip - or should I say _lips_ \- lately," he says accompanied by a lewd wiggle of his eyebrows and Liam's eyes go wide just as Louis notices Liam's not actually alone in the room. "Oh shit, is that your mum?"

"Yep," Liam answers flatly as his cheeks burn in embarrassment. "That's my mum."

"Fuck," Louis mutters, giving a quick wave in her direction. "My bad. Uhh, well, if you see Niall, let him know we're starting a pickup game of footie, yeah? You're welcome as well, if you like."

"Thanks, but I've--"

"Got your parents, yeah. Still, if you change your mind…" Louis shrugs before he turns away and leaves. Liam's envious of the way he can just walk off like everything is perfectly fine, as though he didn't just blurt out Liam's biggest secret in front of his parents. Perhaps he'll be thanking him in due time but for right now, all Liam can do is glare daggers at Louis' back and wish he could run off and play footie and not have to worry about his whole world crashing down around him.

With a deep breath, Liam shuts the door and hopes that his face isn't as red as it feels as he turns back to his parents, also hopeful that they _didn't_ overhear any of that.

Judging by the looks on their faces when he turns around, that second hope is entirely futile.

"Is there something you want to tell us, Liam?" his mum asks gently as she pats the spot on the bed beside her. Liam slowly shuffles forward and sits down, avoiding looking at either his mum or his dad as he takes a deep breath and steadies himself before he speaks.

"I'm, um… I'm in a relationship."

"That's wonderful!" His mum wraps her arms around him but Liam stiffens against her, feeling like he's the least deserving of a hug of anyone in the world. "Who's the lucky girl? Is it Harry? I thought she was absolutely lovely."

"I'm with Harry…" Liam pauses as his mum squeals, quickly spitting out the second half of his sentence before she starts talking over him, "...and Niall."

"Niall… your roommate?" his dad asks.

"Yeah," Liam replies softly, "that's the one."

"I see." Out of the corner of his eye Liam sees his dad nod thoughtfully and his heart starts racing because he has no idea what this means. His mum is still silent as Liam starts to panic, inwardly begging either one to say something, _anything_ to make this situation less tense.

"So, let me get this straight, you're dating Harry _and_ Niall, yes?"

"Yes, Mum."

"Alright. Are they treating you well?" Liam's head snaps up as he turns to look at his mum with a shocked look, and she pats his shoulder. "By the look of things earlier, seems like things might not be going so smoothly with the three of you."

"Mum, I--"

"Well, I imagine it's a bit tricky, innit?" his dad cuts in. "Three people in a relationship, that's a lot of feelings to consider." Liam whips his head around to stare at his dad and he's astounded to see a wry smile on his face. "Your mum alone's got more feelings than I can handle most days."

"Geoff!" she scolds. "Hush!"

Liam's dad raises his hands in defense but keeps smiling, meanwhile Liam is entirely confounded over what's going on.

"Mum, Dad, are… are you serious?"

"Are we serious about what?" his mum asks.

"You don't…" Liam swallows harshly. "It doesn't bother you that I've got a boyfriend as well as a girlfriend?"

"Why would it?" Liam looks at his dad, who gives him a serious look in return and Liam is absolutely baffled.

"I… don't know?" He puts his head in his hands and whines softly as he mumbles, "I don't know."

"Liam, sweetheart," his mum gently takes one of his hands in her own, "is this why you didn't want us to come visit this weekend? Were you afraid we wouldn't approve of Niall and Harry?"

"No, I mean… yes, well, sort of?" Liam whimpers. "I don't know, Mum, I didn't know what to think. I like them both so much but it's all wrong in my head and I don't know how to tell them without messing everything up."

"Oh, love." She pulls him against her and wraps her arms around him as she starts gently rocking him back and forth. Liam chokes back a sob as she rubs his back, and he feels the mattress dip beside him as his dad sits down with them. He puts a steadying hand on Liam's head, running his fingers through Liam's hair in an effort to calm him down and strangely enough, it helps.

"I'm sorry," Liam whispers.

"None of that," his mum says, "we're the ones who should be sorry, making you think that we'd be anything less than proud of you no matter what."

"What you're doing might not be nor-- _conventional_ ," his dad corrects himself mid-sentence and Liam doesn't have to move a muscle to know that his mum's staring him down, ready to pounce if he says the wrong thing, "but if it's what you want, then it's what you want."

"Is it what you want, Liam?" his mum asks gently.

Liam takes a shaky breath as he tries to come up with an answer to his mum's question. In a perfect world he wouldn't need more than a second to respond with _yes_ but the world he lives in is far from perfect and his head's a right mess. The truth is he wants both Harry and Niall but he doesn't want to feel dizzy with confusion on a daily basis, and he has no idea how to make it stop.

"I think so," he answers honestly, "I just don't know how to make it right."

"What happened that you need to make it right?"

Liam lifts his head to look at her and he lets out a long breath as he whispers, "I messed up."

*

Liam finds himself walking back to his dormitory mid-morning the following day after having accompanied his parents to the train station, proud of himself for having resisted the urge to get on the train with them and run back to Wolverhampton. He'd already avoided his dormitory for one night in favor of spending more time with his parents (at least, that was the excuse he'd used even though they all knew full well that Liam was absolutely full of crap) and now it was time to face his fears.

The night with his parents had been spent talking the subject to absolute death but it proved to be more helpful than Liam could've ever imagined. Now that he knew for sure that his parents didn't care who he dated as long as he was happy, he could finally stop letting his fears get the better of him.

Of course, just because he could let his fears go doesn't mean Liam _has_ yet. His heart is racing faster and faster with every step that brings him closer to his dormitory and he hasn't figured out just how he's going to apologize to Niall and Harry yet.

Whatever he decides to say, he just hopes that they'll listen.

The streets surrounding his dormitory are mostly empty, save for a few still-drunk uni students who Liam dodges as he keeps playing over the final pep talk his parents gave him before they boarded their train.

"Just be honest, Liam," his mum had said, "if they care about you, they'll understand."

He repeats the last bit to himself quite a few times as he rounds the corner towards the front door of the dormitory, but he comes to a sudden stop when he sees Harry pacing around a few feet away. She seems to be caught up in a mantra of her own as he slowly approaches, wary of startling her and making the situation worse.

"Harry?" he says softly. She stops in her tracks and snaps her head up to look at him, her expression confused as a smile flickers across her face and fades away faster than Liam's ever seen.

"Liam, I… I thought you'd be inside."

"I was just--"

"Or with your parents, maybe."

"I was, but--"

"I came to apologize," Harry interrupts. Liam's mouth fall open at her admission and she takes advantage of his stunned silence to continue, "to your parents, I mean. For running off yesterday."

Liam blinks at her. He wasn't prepared for this.

"I didn't even realize what I'd done until I got home yesterday and I couldn't _believe_ myself, how could I have been so rude? Your parents seemed so lovely and I just ran off without so much as a goodbye, I can't even imagine--"

"Harry," Liam tries to interrupt but Harry barrels on.

"--what they must think of me now. I could barely sleep last night, I just kept going over it in my head and I just feel so awful! I just… I need to apologize, Liam. Where are your parents?"

"They left," Liam answers, wishing he had _anything_ else to tell her. Harry's face drops immediately and she brings her hands up to cover her mouth as she makes a noise that can only be described as a choked sob, which makes Liam feel even worse.

"Of course," she mutters as she tries to put on a brave face, "first time meeting your parents and I've gone and mucked it all up. I should… I'm going to go."

Harry starts to turn to leave but Liam reaches out and catches her arm to stop her. She looks down at his hand and then slowly lifts her head to look Liam in the eyes, demanding an explanation even as she stays quiet.

"Don't go," Liam begs, "please."

"Liam, I--"

"I'm sorry," he interrupts. "God, Harry, I'm so sorry. I was scared and stupid and I should've told you but I didn't and I can't change that, but let me make it better. Please."

"But Liam," Harry whispers shakily as though she's on the verge of tears, "your parents."

"They adored you. You're mad if you think you've ruined anything. I'm the one who's mucked it all up." Liam lets out a long breath and a nervous laugh. "I was afraid of what they'd think of me, of us, but it doesn't matter."

"It does matter, Liam, they're your parents--"

"No, it doesn't, because they just want me to be happy. You and Niall were right, you were right all along, they don't care how many boyfriends or girlfriends I have, they just want me to be happy. And I am happy, I'm happy with you. I should've listened to you before instead of letting my stupid fears and worries get in the way and ruin everything."

"You didn't ruin everything. You tried," Harry says with a soft laugh, her voice cracking as a few tears fall from her eyes, "but you didn't, not really."

Liam pulls Harry into his arms and holds her tightly, shutting his eyes and breathing her in as he sighs in relief. She clings to him and buries her head in the crook of his neck, shaking slightly from holding back her tears for so long.

"You haven't got any other girlfriends I should know about, have you?" she whispers in his ear, and Liam laughs as he keeps a tight hold of her.

"Just you," he promises.

"Good," she replies, "I'm not sharing you with anyone except Niall."

"Deal."

They keep holding onto each other for another few minutes until Harry pulls herself away from Liam and gently runs her fingers through his hair and down across his cheek. He smiles at her as she tilts her head up for a kiss, just a light press of their mouths together before she pulls away again with a smile.

"C'mon," she whispers as she takes Liam's hand in her own, "it's Niall's turn now."

She starts for the door but stops when Liam doesn't immediately follow. Liam takes a deep breath and tells himself that he _can_ do this, but he still doesn't move.

"Liam?"

"Just… need another minute."

"Liam," Harry repeats sadly, "remember when I said we have to be honest?" Liam nods. "That goes for all three of us, y'know. You've apologized to me, now it's time to do the same to Niall."

"I know," Liam replies, trying and failing to keep from sounding petulant. He _does_ know, he just needs a bit more time before he actually sees Niall again. What if Niall doesn't want to see him?

"It's going to be okay, Liam." Harry squeezes his hand before she gently pulls Liam into the dormitory, leading the whole way up to his room.

Harry doesn't let go of Liam's arm until they're standing in front of the door to Liam and Niall's room, and the only reason she releases his arm is to give him a small shove forward. Liam frowns at her as he hesitates using his key. Given the last 24 hours, he almost feels like he should knock instead.

After one more deep breath, Liam unlocks the door and pushes it open slowly as though he's afraid of what he might find on the other side. With one look at Harry, Liam knows he's not doing a good job of hiding his fear and he forces himself to cross over the threshold.

When Liam peeks around the door, he finds Niall fast asleep in his bed. The covers are a mess and his hair's sticking up at all angles, but the knot in Liam's chest loosens at the sight.

"Aww," Harry coos softly as she follows Liam inside and quietly shuts the door behind them, "he's so cute when he's sleeping."

"Don't suppose we could just… let him sleep?" Liam gives Harry a hopeful look but she narrows her eyes at him and he sighs. "Alright."

"Niall," Harry says softly as she places her hand on his shoulder and gently shakes him awake. He groans as he rolls over onto his back and blinks slowly before he starts rubbing his eyes so he can focus on Liam and Harry standing over him.

It takes all of five seconds for the sleepy smile to disappear and be replaced with a look of anger and betrayal.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he demands, his voice gruff as he sits up and shies away from both Harry and Liam.

"Niall," Liam starts, but he's cut off by a hollow laugh.

"It's one thing to not come back, or to not leave a note, but…" Niall shakes his head, "to go and spend the night with Harry? Without me? I just…"

"Niall, that's not--" Liam tries, but Niall shakes his head again as he starts sliding away from them and off of the bed.

"It's fine," he snaps, "I'll just go. You two clearly don't need me anymore." He grabs a bag from under his bed and starts stuffing the clothes littered across the floor into it as he continues to grumble, "now you don't have to worry about your parents and what they think and--"

"Niall James Horan!" Harry shouts loudly as she grabs one of the straps of the bag and tugs it roughly, tearing it out of his hands and tossing it aside. "Stop being an absolute idiot right now and sit down and _listen_!"

Both Niall and Liam stare at Harry in awe and, at least in Liam's case, a bit of terror. Neither of them have ever heard her raise her voice and it's enough to leave them stunned for a full minute before either of them make a move.

Niall climbs back onto his bed and sits like she told him to, meanwhile Harry situates herself across the room on Liam's bed while Liam continues standing in-between the two. She crosses her arms and nods at the pair of them, seemingly pleased with herself.

"Now, Liam, I believe you've got a few things to say."

Liam squeaks softly, a nervous sound that he tries not to repeat as he looks at Niall. He can't make eye contact no matter how hard he tries, mainly because Niall won't look at him.

"I didn't spend the night with Harry," Liam says, deciding to tackle that issue first, "I spent it with my parents at their hotel. I didn't come back here because… I didn't think you'd want me to."

Niall scoffs and Liam's sure he's about to start berating him again but instead he just closes his mouth and looks down at his lap. Out of the corner of his eye, Liam sees Harry shift and he assumes she must've stared Niall down or something. He tries not to shiver at the thought, he doesn't ever want to be on the receiving end of Harry's icy stare.

"I know what I did was wrong. I should've been honest with the both of you but I was scared. I was scared that my parents wouldn't understand and what they might do when they found out and I just… I didn't know what to do."

"You should've told me," Niall mutters. "You should've told both of us instead of keeping it to yourself and letting it get this bad."

"I know that now, I do." Liam sighs. "But I'm telling you now that I'm not afraid anymore. I told my parents everything and now--"

"And now what?" Niall interrupts. "Now everything is just going to go back to the way it was and we're supposed to forget that you lied to us?"

"Niall…" Harry tries to calm him down but he doesn't listen.

"No, Harry, he did. It might not mean the same to you as it does to me, but Liam lied to us and tried to hide our relationship from his parents. Don't you get it?" Niall sighs heavily. "If it weren't for me then Liam wouldn't have done any of this."

"Niall, no," Liam says as he quickly sits down beside Niall and tries to put his arms around him but Niall pulls away. "I'm not ashamed of you, how many times do I have to say it?"

"Yeah, well, you've got a fucking terrible way of showing that you're not!" Niall snaps.

"Niall, please calm down," Harry says as she climbs off of Liam's bed and onto Niall's, "you're not--"

"I'm not going through this again!" Niall shouts.

"Going through… what?" Liam asks, entirely bewildered by his outburst. From the look that Harry gives him, she's in the same boat.

"I've just…" Niall exhales sharply, "I've been lied to before, alright? I just didn't expect it to happen again."

"What happened?" Harry asks as she carefully wraps her arms around Niall and holds him. He puts one hand over Harry's and slowly reaches out for Liam's, curling their fingers together before he speaks.

"Remember how I told you that my da wasn't exactly happy when I came out to him? The reason I did was because I was dating this bloke and we'd both agreed to tell our parents so we didn't have to lie anymore and…"

"You did and he didn't," Harry whispers.

"Denied the whole thing," Niall says with a shaky, humorless laugh, "decided I wasn't worth it or summat, I dunno. Stopped speaking to me, in any case."

"Niall, I'd never do that," Liam says fiercely, "you mean too much to me for me to turn my back on you."

"I can't believe you never told us this," Harry mumbles, "I never would've guessed."

"Didn't think it mattered," Niall replies, "I thought he was just a selfish prick, y'know? I figured I'd find someone better to be with and it wouldn't happen all over again."

"Oh, god," Liam mutters, "Niall, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault, please, let me fix it. Don't leave me."

" _Us_ ," Harry corrects. "You can't just leave us, Niall. Liam screwed up, yeah, but he's willing to stick around and do better. Doesn't that warrant a second chance?"

"Yeah, maybe, but… how do I know it won't happen again?" Niall looks at Liam. "How do I know that you won't wake up one day and decide you don't want me anymore?"

Liam stares at Niall. He doesn't know what to say because the reality of it is that he can't promise that. Nobody can, really, but Liam so desperately wants to promise that he'll never hurt Niall again even if deep down he knows he probably will again someday.

"Liam can't make that promise. None of us can, you included." Harry reaches across Niall and pulls Liam closer. "All we can do is promise to try and be as honest with each other as we can be - and actually _mean_ it this time."

"I do, I will, I-I mean, I promise," Liam struggles to say it as quickly as he can, if only to ensure that Niall doesn't try to leave again. "No more secrets, I swear."

"I promise too." Harry tilts her head and brushes her nose against Niall's cheek. "And you?"

Niall breathes in deeply and lets it out slowly as he stares down at where his hands are clasping both Harry's and Liam's. First he lifts Harry's hand to his lips and presses a light kiss across her knuckles and squeezes it gently before he does the same with Liam's.

He looks up and catches Liam's eye, letting out a sharp breath before he cracks a hesitant yet warm smile.

"I promise."

*

It was probably naive of Liam to think that everything would return to normal immediately given the severity of the events that had taken place over Parents Weekend, but he wanted to hope for the best. He'd gotten so used to seeing Niall's smiling face every morning when he woke up that he simply couldn't imagine life without it.

Even though Niall assured him that things were fine, Liam knew they really weren't.

Talking things out had helped, but Niall was reluctant to pull Liam and Harry in for cuddles and it was actually _hard_ to get a laugh out of him now whereas before he giggled at just about everything. He's positive that Harry notices it too, judging by the number of looks they share in the week that follows, but neither know how to approach the subject.

Liam's worried that if either of them presses Niall it will just make everything worse.

After a week passes with Niall still giving the pair of them the cold shoulder more often than not, Liam gives in to his guilt and confesses to Harry after class one day that he's afraid that Niall hasn't actually forgiven him. She gives him a sympathetic smile, which truly does nothing to quell his fears, and pulls him in for a hug.

"He just needs a bit of time, I think." Harry shrugs. "I know you're worried, Liam, but maybe it's best if we just give him some space."

"Okay," Liam answers, his bottom lip sticking out in a pout that he can't hold back. Harry leans in and kisses him until he smiles, his frown disappearing even though he's still rather upset on the inside.

"It's going to be okay," Harry promises as she loops her arm through Liam's and they exit their lecture hall. "Exams are coming up anyway, maybe Niall's just stressed."

"You think?"

"Mhmm. But maybe he's due for a cuddle." Harry smiles. "What d'you say to going back to yours?"

"I could go for a cuddle," Liam replies and Harry laughs in return.

"That's what I love about you boys, you're always up for a good cuddle."

As it turns out, Niall is not up for a cuddle. In fact, the moment either of them take one step towards him in their tiny room he seems panicky and he starts gathering up his notebooks and stuffing them into his bag.

"I've got revising to do," he mumbles as an excuse before he darts past them and out the door.

Both Harry and Liam watch as he leaves without a look back at the two of them and Liam frowns. Harry's smile vanishes as she slowly closes the door before she crosses the room to go straight into Liam's arms and hug him tightly.

"You were right," she whispers softly and the broken sound of her voice makes Liam want to cry.

"I didn't want to be right," he whispers back.

"What're we going to do?" Harry asks as she sniffs and tries to wipe her eyes while still holding onto Liam tightly.

"I dunno." Liam sighs heavily. "I thought we were okay. I don't understand why he's shutting us out."

"He must need more space than I thought."

"There's needing space and there's downright avoiding us," Liam replies with a huff. If anything he should know the difference between the two, especially given the way he'd avoided Niall and Harry for days early on in the semester. He suddenly hates himself for ever having put either of them through this because being on the other end is the absolute worst thing in the world.

"What if we were to give him space but still let him know we're here if he needs us?" Harry offers after a few minutes of silence. Liam stays quiet as he tries to understand Harry's suggestion; it sounds like a good idea in theory but he doesn't have any idea as to how it's going to work in practice.

"What do you mean?" he asks finally, having exhausted all possibilities in his own head.

"I've got some ideas," Harry replies.

Harry's ideas turned out to be very similar to what Niall did when Liam was avoiding him - so much that Liam wonders if Niall and Harry were in cahoots long before the three of them had gotten together, but he pushes the question out of his head because it really doesn't matter. He's not about to risk ruining their relationship all over again just to satisfy some mild curiosity when there are bigger things to concentrate on.

Liam restocks Niall's snacks in their room every day and Harry takes it upon herself to bring Niall study snacks in the library when he holes up there after classes. Neither she nor Liam try to coerce him into talking to them but they exchange reports with each other so often that Liam starts to feel a bit like a spy, which sounds ridiculous even to him but at the same time it makes him feel important.

It's when he's alone in their room one day that Liam discovers that Niall does in fact have a rather important exam approaching, which makes Liam a little relieved to find out that Niall's not just brushing them off for no reason.

He relays this information to Harry, who in turn comes up with yet another idea.

**let's surprise him after his exam with his favorite chocolates or something. he needs a reward after all the hard work he's done :)**

Liam smiles as he reads Harry's text and quickly replies in the affirmative, suddenly all too eager for the next few days to pass. He doesn't want to get his hopes up too high, but he can't stop himself from wanting this to be the turning point.

It's hard for him not to spoil the surprise when the day arrives, especially when Niall leaves for exam looking positively exhausted despite it being the middle of the day. All Liam wants to do is send Niall back to bed and cuddle him until the end of time, but he keeps his mouth shut.

 **i hope this worksssss :(** he texts Harry after Niall's gone, still frowning at the door.

 **it will!** Harry texts back, **Niall can't turn down chocolates :)**

Liam cracks a smile as he slips on his shoes and grabs his bag on his way out the door, en route to pick Harry up before they go wait outside Niall's exam. They decided that it'd be best for them to go right after the exam was due to start, that way there was no possibility of them missing Niall when he exits afterwards.

What Liam didn't count on was the fact that he'd get so jittery waiting around that Harry has to send him to the vending machines on the other side of the building just so he'd expend some of his energy and stop pacing back and forth. He returns with a bag of M&Ms and a sheepish smile, and Harry lets him sit down next to her even as she rolls her eyes at him.

"More candy, Liam?" she asks as he rips open the bag. "You're going to be even worse now."

"Not if you share them with me," Liam insists as he dumps half the bag into her outstretched hand. "At least I've got something to do, now."

"True," Harry replies as she pops one into her mouth. "I'm sure I could've come up with something else to occupy you, though." She winks and Liam flushes a deep red.

"Harry," he murmurs bashfully and she lets out a loud, delighted laugh.

"You're too easy, Liam." She leans into him as she continues to laugh and Liam tries to think of every unsexy thing in the world just to stop blushing.

One by one, people start to file out of the exam room and Liam gets his hopes up every time the door opens. Harry clutches his arm, her grip tightening when someone leaves and loosening when she realizes it isn't Niall.

Liam's about to give up hope altogether, afraid that Niall's somehow exited through another door that they don't know about, when the door opens and out walks Niall. He doesn't see them at first, not until he's almost passed them entirely and he does a double-take.

"What… what're you doing here?" he asks as he rubs his eyes, almost like he can't believe that they're standing in front of him.

"We brought you chocolate," Harry says as she holds it out for him. As soon as he takes it from her hand she steps closer and kisses his cheek. "Thought you might want it after your exam."

"You brought me chocolate?" Niall repeats softly as he looks back and forth between Harry and Liam.

"We knew you were nervous about the exam," Liam explains as he stands on Niall's other side, more hesitant than Harry was to get extra close. "We just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Niall looks down at the chocolate in his hands and chuckles under his breath. "Thanks," he murmurs.

"You're welcome," Liam replies. Harry smiles as she meets Liam's eye and tilts her head, gesturing that now might be the time for the two of them to leave.

Niall hasn't looked up yet and this isn't how Liam envisioned this going; in his mind Niall would've been hugging him by now. He lets out a soft breath and nods at Harry, resigning himself to the fact that Niall just needs more time.

Harry kisses Niall's cheek again before she lets go of his arm as Liam steps around him to join her on his other side. They start to walk away, feeling slightly disappointed that their plan hadn't worked the way they hoped it might when Niall calls out to them and they both freeze mid-step.

"Where are you going?" he asks.

Harry and Liam look at each other before they look back at Niall, neither exactly sure what to say in response.

"Just, um…" Liam clears his throat, "dunno, really. Was gonna take Harry home, I guess?"

"Can I come?" Niall asks with a hopeful look in his eyes.

"Oh Niall," Harry breathes a sigh of relief, "of course you can."

Niall all but rushes into their arms, hugging them both tightly and Liam blinks back tears as he clings to Niall and Harry. He hasn't felt right in absolute ages but here and now with two of his favorite people in the world in his arms, everything feels _perfect_.

"I'm sorry," Niall mumbles, "I just…"

"It's okay," Liam assures him, "you just needed time."

Harry smiles at Liam over Niall's shoulder and links their fingers together against Niall's back.

"You're here now, that's all that matters," she adds.

"I've missed you both," Niall breathes out shakily, "so much."

"You too," Liam chokes out, his throat suddenly feeling tight, " _so_ much."

"C'mon, let's go back to mine," Harry says as she squeezes them both, "I think we're all in need of some long overdue cuddles."

"Definitely," Niall answers with a laugh. Before he lets them get too far, he pulls Harry in for a kiss first and then turns to Liam and does the same.

"Missed that too," he whispers.

*

**Several Weeks Later**

Liam's been on the phone with his mum for nearly half an hour now, what was supposed to be a short call has stretched into much more than he could've imagined and with Niall and Harry due back from class any moment he's trying very politely to end the conversation. His mum just won't stop _talking_.

"Yes, Mum, you told me-- Yeah, I know Dad's been doing that. You told me!"

Liam sighs as he reclines on his bed and listens to his mum explain how his dad's joined a cricket league - or rather, he's considering joining when they'll actually play over the summer. Why he's listening to this for the third time, he has no idea.

His mum is still happily chattering away in his ear when the door opens and in walks Niall and Harry, having been in the middle of their own lively conversation when they realize that Liam's on the phone. They both mime that they'll be silent but Liam rolls his eyes at that. Neither of them are ever good at staying quiet.

Harry grins as she climbs onto Liam's bed and lies down next to him, wrapping her arm around his midsection as she presses a kiss to the underside of his jaw. Niall walks over and kisses Liam's forehead before he takes a seat at Liam's desk, the two of them clearly waiting for Liam to get off the phone.

"Mum," Liam tries, "Harry and Niall just got back, I've got to go."

"Oh, did they? How were their days? Say hi to them from your dad and me!"

"My mum says hi," he says dutifully and both Niall and Harry break into matching grins.

"Hi Mum!" they chorus together, dissolving into fits of giggles as Liam tries to shush them.

"Alright, everyone's said hi, now I'm hanging up."

"Oh, alright," his mum tuts. "Love you, Liam. Give our love to Niall and Harry as well."

"Will do. Love you too!"

He ends the call as quickly as he can, knowing full well that his mum was easily heard from the tinny phone speaker and his cheeks are bright red.

"Mummy's boy," Niall teases as he leans over and gets a proper kiss from Liam while Harry continues giggling into Liam's shoulder.

"Shush," Liam mumbles as he curls his fingers in the collar of Niall's shirt, not letting him get away without several more kisses. Harry traces circles across Liam's chest as the two of them continue kissing, but they stop when Liam feels Harry lift up the hem of his shirt.

"What?" Harry says when they both look at her with curiosity. "Go about your business, nothing to see here."

"I beg to differ," Niall replies as Harry lifts Liam's shirt up further and shuffles down to press a kiss against Liam's abs.

"My babies! I've missed you," she murmurs, making Liam laugh.

"Still weird," he says.

"Not weird," Harry insists as she starts petting his abs, "I think every part of you is lovely, which includes your abs, thank you very much."

"Told you your abs were like kryptonite," Niall says as he slides his chair across the floor so he's sitting in front of Liam's abs as well. He pokes them and Liam jumps before he hastily tries to pull his shirt down.

"I'm up _here_ , thank you very much."

"Oh, alright," Harry huffs, but her annoyance is entirely ruined by the size of her smile as she crawls back up so that she's eye-level with Liam and she leans down to kiss him. They're interrupted a few seconds later by Niall crawling on top of both of them and settling in the middle.

"Comfortable?" Liam asks with a soft grunt as he shifts underneath Niall.

"Very," Niall replies as he tilts his head to kiss Liam's cheek and then Harry's.

"Right where you belong," Harry says, snuggling into both of them with a satisfied hum.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://imlouisaf.tumblr.com)   
>  [Trine's tumblr](http://leembear.tumblr.com)


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